They Go To Ireland

Last night my Death Cab For Cutie cover band played the coolest show ever. I mean ,,cool,, in the sense that everybody there smoked cigarettes and all the girls, jeans were riding way too high up and there was a ton of leather and irony in the room. It was in the second story living room of a house that is really close to my apartment. I was told that it was supposed to start at seven thirty and when we showed up a little after eight there were two people there on the porch that told us that nobody was inside.

We walked back to my apartment and watched a Swedish skate video that doesn,t have any skating but it has a lot of spinning instead. We went back to the cool-girls-with-dumb-haircuts-and-faces house a little after nine to find that there were now three or four more people there. I figured that nobody would play any music and it would just be people drinking cheap beer and smoking expensive cigarettes. Boy was I almost right. We played and people didn,t care but they at least stood in the room we were playing in.

Colossamite - All Lingo,s Clamor
My favorite part of the night was when I was carrying some heavy stuff out of the house back to my car. I am clearly a very malnourished, sickly person who cannot carry anything for more than a few seconds without having a debilitating asthma attack or having my bones shatter from the strain. Lord knows that my atrophied ,,muscles,, aren,t doing anything to help. Anybody can see that. The cool girls on the porch didn,t mind though and they continued to hand each other cigarettes making a veritable Berlin wall of track marked, emaciated arms as I tried to walk passed them. It was alright though. They were loud and wore neat handmade shorts over fishnet stockings and bizarre fish shoes so they had carte blanche.

The queen of the evening was a girl that my roommate referred to as a ,,fat monster,,. It is a short but fitting description. When I first saw her I thought she was my friend Charles and that he had gained a significant amount of weight and had boiling oil thrown in his face. She had a sucker in her mouth as an accessory. She sort of looked like a dead minor league umpire. I do give her some respect for owning her look though. She knows that she looks like a horrendous ghoul and she does nothing to hide the fact. Actually, she does the opposite. Her clothing choices and general demeanor only serve to further accentuate her foul looks. Her hair was made of straw and her her bones were as thick as gorilla thighs. She was course in every sense of the word. She is the spokesperson for the far too underutilized term ,,Rode hard and put away wet,,.