Birthday

I,ve been spending a little bit of time around an old woman with one eye from Texas recently. She,s great. Not only does she have a cool glass eye and a sassy southern accent, she is also full of weird sayings and phrases that I have either never heard or have only heard in old, racist cartoons. She also knows how to cook and she has a real life glass eye.

One of her eyes is made out of glass. It,s not normal glass. You can,t see through it. That might be cool though. It,s glass that is made to look like a human eye. Do you remember in that movie Last Action Hero when the bad guy had a glass eye and he was always changing it according to his mood? I liked that movie when I was a kid. I wonder if she,s seen that.

1958-2009 - II She said some pretty good phrases the last time I was around her. She was talking about hopefully being able to go on a trip next Spring and she said, ,,God willing and if the creek don,t rise.,, I loved it. If the creek rises and drowns everybody, she definitely will not be going on that trip. She,s a practical woman. Later she was having some coffee and was talking about how strong it was and said, ,,This will put hair on your chest... Or take it off.,, I had never heard the second half of that before. I am going to start drinking strong coffee so I can stop looking like an overcooked hot dog that was dropped on the floor of a barbershop.

The best part about hearing her say all of this wacky old stuff is that her voice is really quiet and sort of sounds like she just woke up all the time. I want to be like her when I grow up. I want to be a tiny old woman with one eye and a southern accent who says weird, archaic phrases and knows how to make biscuits and was alive during World War Two. I think that is a realistic goal for myself, but I know I,ve got a lot of work ahead of me.