It,s finally the best time of year. Mandarin season started the other day and it is cold enough for me to use my space heater. Those are the only two things I care about this world, but strangely, combining the two isn,t great. Hot mandarins taste like deer pee. A lot of things taste like deer pee.
I have been eating a ton of eggs lately and it,s making my farts smell like the inside of a coffin. I would hate to buried alive for that reason more than any other. I would be forced to lie uncomfortably in a very small, completely enclosed space while I fart myself to death. That is the ultimate torture. My farts are a weapon unparalleled.
1958-2009 - 1958-2009 LP
But enough about me. I think my Death Cab For Cutie cover band will be a real band soon. We,re shortening the band name to just Death Cab For Cutie. I think it will help us with getting press. A date has been tentatively set for the release of the forty minutes of wet trash that we recorded earlier this year so that,s nice. I guess having a record out will be cool, but it won,t be that cool when the people who put it out get mad at us when nobody buys it. Whatever. That,s their fault for believing in us.
My left ear has been kind of clogged or something for a long time. I don,t know what to do about it. That,s not true. The thing to do is go to the doctor. What I meant to say is that I don,t know what I,m going to do about it. I definitely can,t afford going to a doctor. Maybe I,ll just sharpen a chopstick and set it in my ear and then fall over and land on it with the full weight of my body and hope for the best. That,s what the ancients used to do.
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