Fair Devil

Today is a day of celebration for several reasons. Most importantly, it is the one year anniversary of Michael Jackson,s untimely demise. Untimely Demise would be a rad metal band name. I wonder if any metal band uses it. Probably for a song name at least. Or record title. Or maybe it,s the name of a Metal night club. Probably all of those things.

Another reason to celebrate is that Hitler invaded Poland 35 years ago today. That is a big deal if you are into history or Polish stuff. My roommate is into Polish stuff. Not history, but Polish sausages and hot dogs and stuff. Tonight is the night he goes to the hot dog store and gets hot dogs for two dollars per hot dog. Another reason to celebrate.

Pantha du Prince - The Splendour
Today is also well known because of that school in Colorado. Remember when people kept saying that those two dorks shot up all the jocks and bitchy cheerleaders because they listened to Marylin Manson? Yeah right. They killed all of those idiots because they were two stupid dorks that didn,t know how to deal with normal teenage wa wa stuff. Instead of choosing one of the standard routes like getting drunk on the weekends or watching porn or starting a punk band they got lazy and went all juggalo on everybody. Boring. They could be in such a terrible band touring with Anti Flag right now if they had just put down the homemade pipe bombs and faded black t shirts and picked up a Black Flag or Blink 182 record and learned four power chords.

Most importantly again, today is the day all of the idiots talk about how much they love weed and smoking and black light posters and Sublime and unprotected sex with girls they think are old enough and sleeping. And then they go and hang out with all the people that really like coffee and they talk about how their cultures are great and how caffeine and weed compliment each other quite well. And then it,s the next day and they still do the same stuff.

First Day of Wintear

I just got done cleaning the bathroom. Not really the bathroom, just the toilet. That thing didn,t even look good enough for me to let things fall out of my body into it. Gross. I gave it a good swipe or two so don,t worry. It wont be gross like that again for another eight days or something.

I was reading my CPF,s (Close Personal Friend,s) blog today and it made me think about how great it is to take yourself so seriously and to use pretentious language to explicate thine most inner convictions and postulations. It would be really fun to act like you,re writing something really deep and meaningful in your journal but then put it some place where everybody can see it. But not only can everybody see it, you thrive on the comments they give you and you feel like you,ve helped explain the enigmatic, cornucopic being that thine is. Blogs are great.

Then I started thinking about how important and biting somebody must feel if they just make their own blog to criticize other people,s work. They would feel so smug and clever for saying their point of view to probably nobody when they,re really just dumb jerks. They would try to find the coolest, weirdest music they could to put on there to make it seem like they were ahead of the current trend when really they just got it off of some other Beast of Burden,s blog. I hate those kind of guys (I say guys because girls are usually kind of too dumb to make blogs) that think they,re so hot. They go around and take pictures at parties and dress all weird. Just a bunch of jerks if you ask me.

Owen Hart - Demo
I saw a blog that this lesbian (see, lesbians are more like guys so they can write blogs) put together of girls that she thought were hot and it had her poetry and writings and stuff. There was a write up on Cassie Steele, you know, the slutty one from Degrassi. It said that she had a band and I checked them out and they,re pretty good. They sound like a mix between Sublime and Ben Harper and the lyrics are pretty rad. I guess she also has a sigg nose ring. Sooo hot!

This will be the last article for the Bline Zogazine. We,re done. It has been fun but we realized that this is just making things worse. Like when you,re having sex with a girl and she starts bleeding but she says to keep going because she is pretty sure it,s just her period and you don,t really believe her so you pull out and go in for a closer inspection and you realized she just miscarried so you pop the little guy in your mouth and you have to swallow it or she,ll notice so you have it in your mouth and it,s gross because it,s the first time you ever had sex with her so you know it,s some other guy,s kid but at least she,s not freaking out and cutting herself anymore. It,s not helping anybody. We,re sorry if we hurt you. We,re going to go eat some bleach. Today is the two year anniversary of me being edge.

Love,

Dr. Cracked Peppercorn Bagel with Garden Vegetable Creamed Cheese