Suggesting

This week was the first time I have had to work by myself at all. It,s been nice. I,m alone for the first two hours. I am completely alone. Nobody else is in the building. It,s wild. I can,t believe they trust me. I,m glad they do, though. It gives me a chance to fart and listen to whatever weird music I want. I just have to be sure not to fart within twenty minutes of when the other dudes arrive in case it,s an especially permeating, lingering stink.

Now that my Death Cab For Cutie cover band is done with our dumb album, we have to figure out what to do with it. My first choice is to trash it and never let anybody hear it, but the other guys aren,t into that because they „spent tons of money on it„ and „worked really hard.„ Whatever, dudes. That,s not my problem. You should have done what I did and not put any effort into it.

Shintaro Sakamoto - Let,s Dance Raw It,s pretty weird trying to convince people or companies or whatever to pay a ton of money to have the annoying music you made put on a small or large disc. It,s even weirder to try to convince people to do that and have them not immediately tell you to shut up and get out of their face. I can,t believe there are people in this great big, beautiful, smelly world who are wacky enough to even consider doing that. Fools. Don,t they realize that they,re all just Death Cab For Cutie covers?

Nothing has happened with it yet. There is no guarantee that anything will ever happen with this obnoxious recording of ours so maybe my dream will come true and we,ll get to drag these files to the garbage can, or „Poop Bowl„ as it,s labeled on my desktop, and they,ll disappear forever. More bands should do that. Write and record songs and make sure that nobody ever hears the messes they,ve made.

Cross Your Fingers

I recently started making my own bread. It,s pretty crazy and awesome. It takes forever because you have to wait for the dough to fart a lot and it makes my apartment really hot because I have to cook it at a million degrees, but it,s totally worth it. It,s so cheap and tasty and cool. It makes me feel like a real human.

There are only two downsides to making and eating my own delicious bread. One is that I don,t have a Dutch oven so I cook it in a big, cheap soup pot that apparently is not made to withstand such extreme temperatures. The pot is slowly turning more and more brown each time I use it. Soon it will start releasing toxic fumes in the oven and it will imbue an extremely potent poison into the cooking dough. I will die.

Matt Dotson - Revolution/Circumvention The other downside is that I have been eating so much crusty bread lately that my mouth looks like I have been eating teeth. It is so cut up right now. Its horrible. I can only eat soft stuff or my eyes start crying. I tried to eat crackers yesterday and I only got through three of them before I had to call it quits. That,s so embarrassing. I,m glad nobody saw that and I,m glad that nobody is reading this.