Fish Hook

I,m leaving today for a big, smelly, expensive trip. I have to give up the comfort of my easy job and nice home and drive around in a turd box of a van for the next thirty days. This is going to be a disaster and I am absolutely going to lose my mind immediately. I,m excited. I,m excited to find out what the inside of a mental institution is like. I love learning new things.

I can,t believe how weak my body is. It always hurts. My back hurts because I have such bad posture. My mouth hurts because I,m always accidentally biting it. My eyes hurt because of the sun. The bottom of my right foot hurts for a reason I have not been able to figure out. I am falling apart so rapidly and there is nothing anybody can do about it because I am too poor to pay them to do something about it.

RAH Band - Going Up I guess that means that I should start doing drugs. I.m not talking about pain killers or vitamins. I,m going to start with the real stuff. I,m going to jump into the deep end. I want to mix heroin and DMT and inject that into my body several times each day. I want to liquify cocaine and drink it like weird milk. I want to die feeling good and forget about my bad posture and ugly teeth.

I probably won,t though. Like I said, I,m too poor for anything. Also, I,m scared of everything. Also, I,m lazy. Also, I,m beautiful. Mostly, I,m lazy. I don,t want to have to figure out how to buy and then use drugs at my age. The window for that to be acceptable has long passed. I am too old to start being reckless. I think you,re supposed to do that before you,re twenty. I can,t remember the last time I was before twenty.

Still

Daylight savings time is so weird and stupid. I hate time traveling, but if I have to time travel, I definitely want to be awake for it and that is just not possible when it takes place at two in the morning. There is no way I am going to stay awake for that. It was very inconsiderate of the founding fathers or whoever invented time travel to set it up so it happens so late. They were a bunch of rude jerks.

I also don,t like that it means that I am confused for several hours after I wake up following the time change. I don,t know what day it is. I don,t remember if I changed the time on my clocks. Everything looks a little dimmer. I hear a ringing in my left ear. I feel really, really hungry. It,s not a great combination and it,s all the time,s fault.

David Borden - Music For Amplified Keyboard Instruments If it were up to me, I would eliminate daylight savings time and if I caught anybody practicing time travel in private, they would be sentenced to life in prison. There wouldn,t be a trial or anything. They would go straight from their living room to their cell. Things would not be great if I were in charge. People would get sick of it very quickly and I would surely be killed in some sort of square. Maybe I would be executed in the quad at a community college.

The Sound Of Bubbles Popping

I did it. I finally got sick. I finally fell into the terrible pit of weakness, fatigue, annoyance, and noses. It,s not a good place to be, but I am thankful that it,s just a standard issue cold rather than the standard issue flu. My friend had the flu recently and I have been terrified of getting it. I am so frail and emaciated already that it would likely kill me. I,m not dead, though. I,m just an uncomfortable baby, rolling around in my own sweat, snot, and other fluids.

I always hate being sick more than anything in the world, but right now is especially bad. It,s not because I,m terribly sick or anything. I,m a normal amount of sick. My brain is yelling, my nose is squirting, my ears feel weird, my teeth are covered in spots, my butt hurts, and I only have enough energy to complain constantly. That,s all normal. The thing that makes it so bad is the timing.

The Shaggs - Philosophy Of The World I have to go on a huge, dumb trip soon and before that, I have to do a bunch of huge, dumb things. Doing those huge and dumb things while I am a disgusting slop infant is annoying and I hate being annoyed. That,s why I tell on my neighbors when they slam their cabinets too loudly or have children.

Why aren,t colds set up where you only get one per year? I would be so fine with this cold if I knew I could,t get another one for at least twelve months. That would be a dream. That,s what scientists should be working on. I,m sure we need colds to exist for some weird reason, but science should at least be considerate enough to make sure they only last exactly three days and only happen once per year. It,s downright rude that science is too lazy to make sure that I don,t get sick right after being sick right now.

Early Morning

Oh, my dear, sweet food stamps. How I loved you. How I cherished you. How I used you to buy food and sometimes juice with you. I will miss you so much. I will miss the way you let me eat when I was hungry. I will miss the way your let me buy crazy amounts of cereal without worrying about anything. I will miss the way that I could use you to buy sandwiches for lunch at that deli next to my house where they have all of those weird paintings on one wall that are supposed to represent the flavors of the sandwiches but they don,t really make sense because a few of the paintings are of buildings. I will never forget you.

As you can tell (I,m talking to myself because nobody looks at this except for me) I am bidding a fond farewell to my beloved food stamps. I have less than thirty dollars on my good old EBT card and that will be gone in under six days. Usually, there is an upside that comes with every downside, but not this time. There is nothing good about not getting free money for food anymore. It is an irrevocable travesty.

Dorian Concept - Joined Ends I learned a new word yesterday that sounds like a word a drunk person would say. It doesn,t seem real and even though it would be a pretty good word to use, I don,t think I will ever incorporate it into my vocabulary because it sounds so stupid that people would think that I,m even dumber than they already do for using it. It,s ,,perfidy.,, That is such an ugly looking and sounding word. I can,t believe some clown got away with putting that in the dictionary.

I wonder if it was done on a dare. One of those dictionary nerds dared another one to put in an obviously fake, ridiculous word and see if anybody noticed. Well, it,s been hundreds of years probably, but I,ve finally noticed and I am both angry and happy that such a great, dumb word exists. It,s the small victories, you know? Discovering this word is just what I needed to bring myself back from the edge of the terrifying chasm that is depression and constant crying because I don,t get free money anymore.