A Constant Stream

Until extremely recently, I had never ordered food and had it delivered to my home. It doesn,t make sense to me. I,m not going to pay for food and then pay for somebody to bring it to me when I have a car. Even if they don,t charge you to bring it to you, I,m not going to wait forty-five minutes for some goon to shake it up and drive it to me. I can do that myself way faster.

All of that changed this past week, though. Somebody told me that some deli was going to be giving away unlimited free sandwiches all weekend as long as you had them delivered to you which was also free. It sounded insane and it was. I have eaten so many free sandwiches in the past four days. It has been incredible. I just ordered one and put it in the refrigerator because I,m not even hungry and as soon as I did that I thought, ,,I,m going to have to eat again at some point tomorrow. I had better order another sandwich,,, so that is exactly what I did. I,ve got another on the way right now. I am in love with free food. 

Mac DeMarco - Some Other Ones Yesterday I worked at a big music festival. It was gross. The people were gross. The blonde dreadlocks were gross. The sun was gross. The dust that is still deep in my lungs was gross. It was all gross, but sometimes being gross pays the bills and I,ve got several bills that like being paid. 

I think my eyes got sunburned. They kind of itch and hurt today. Also, I think I got sun poisoning. I don,t know if that,s actually a thing, but I was in the sun so much yesterday that I now feel like I,m sick. I think it,s the sun,s fault. I guess it could be my fault for only eating sandwiches, but sandwiches are good for you. I don,t think the sandwiches would do me wrong like that. 

Still

Daylight savings time is so weird and stupid. I hate time traveling, but if I have to time travel, I definitely want to be awake for it and that is just not possible when it takes place at two in the morning. There is no way I am going to stay awake for that. It was very inconsiderate of the founding fathers or whoever invented time travel to set it up so it happens so late. They were a bunch of rude jerks.

I also don,t like that it means that I am confused for several hours after I wake up following the time change. I don,t know what day it is. I don,t remember if I changed the time on my clocks. Everything looks a little dimmer. I hear a ringing in my left ear. I feel really, really hungry. It,s not a great combination and it,s all the time,s fault.

David Borden - Music For Amplified Keyboard Instruments If it were up to me, I would eliminate daylight savings time and if I caught anybody practicing time travel in private, they would be sentenced to life in prison. There wouldn,t be a trial or anything. They would go straight from their living room to their cell. Things would not be great if I were in charge. People would get sick of it very quickly and I would surely be killed in some sort of square. Maybe I would be executed in the quad at a community college.

It Happens Nightly

I went to the food stamp office yesterday. That wasn,t fun at all. I hadn,t been there in years. Luckily, this time was better than the last time I went there and didn,t get any free money, but it was still horrible. I guess I just don,t like being in any enclosed space where screaming children are the accepted norm. Nobody bothered to quiet their ugly kids because there was nobody setting a good example. The world needs more good examples.

I didn,t have to go to the food stamp office, I chose to. I have nobody to blame but myself. That,s what I get for being impatient and hungry. My stupid card still hadn,t come in the mail and I wasn,t about to buy food knowing that I could get it for free if I were to have that card, so I just went there and got it myself. I saw it as a form of atonement for all of the crazy free food I was about to get.

Being in that place is quite the experience. I never realized how many people have Oakland Raiders tattoos and how many of those people can,t stop shaking no matter how hard they may try. It was a giant, smelly, loud bummer. I also never realized how many poor people have iPhones. Maybe there is a social service program that provides homeless people with iPhones. I can totally get behind that. I love that idea.

Passion Pit - Manners After I got my card, I immediately drove to the store. I bought myself a bottle of water (something I almost never do because water should always be free) to make sure that my card worked. I felt such an intense surge of joy and refreshment as I drank my free, ice-cold beverage in the hot sun outside of the overcrowded supermarket.

As soon as I finished it, I went back in and filled a shopping cart to the absolute brim with the fanciest, most extraordinary items I could think of. I think I got five boxes of cereal. I got some fancy juice. I even got cookies so that I will have a sweet snack for any of my guests that happen to like that kind of trash. It was wonderful. I got so much stuff.

As I was laying my items on the filthy conveyor belt, I got sort of worried that I wouldn,t be able to pay for it all with food stamps. I had never bought food with such reckless abandon before. I was wrong. I paid for it easily and I even have a ton left over for the rest of the month. I,m glad I,m finally getting to spend some of the taxes that I have been paying for the past ten years of my life. I am going to drink juice until I throw up.