I was reading about the history of Halloweeg today. The Natives (or Navajo Americans as "they" like to be called. Whatever, they,re not even people really just drunk noble savages. Fire water and thunder sticks, get real.) invented Halloweeg when Christoforo Columbo discovered America. They thought he was a ghost because he was pure and white rather than red, so they threw candy corn at him. Back then it was just called regular corn though because it was just regular corn. The worst part of this example of mistaken identity is that the Navajo Americans were throwing it in a mean way. They were threatened by sweet little Columbo for some reason. He was just trying to give them blankets and stuff. But they became friends later that night. They all made each other cornucopias filled with nature,s bounty.
It,s crazy how much has changed since those simple times 200 years ago. Now there are things like the internet, texting, sidekicks, faceboogs, prom nights, shiny nylon leggings, big glasses, v-neck sweaters, bread, red bull, and Heath Ledger (awww). I miss him a lot. He was a really good actor. I heard he was going to marry Ashley Olsen.
GoodBooks - Control
Now Halloweeg is all about wearing short skirts and bunny ears and seeing how much you can puke to look thinner than any other Beast of Burden. All of that is super fun and whatever, but we have strayed so far from the true meaning of this special holliday. I think we should start celebrating the way people used to. We should start giving each other blankets and corn instead of razor blade filled apples and bullets and stuff. I heard that,s what some people do! Isn,t that terrible?! Ugh. Makes me super sad about people and stuff. Call me a wussy or whatever but I care about people,s feelings. I get sad about puppies and cute things getting hurt. Thats why I don,t eat meat anymore except Panda Express orange chicken, bacon, fish, chicken Mcnuggets from McDonalds, falafel, my mom,s pork chops, and pepperoni pizza (so yummy!). So I,m helping cute little baby animals not get hurt. And I recycle and stuff. It makes me sad to see people waste stuff. There are people out there who have to live in really small apartments and their parents are divorced and the have to take the bus and stuff. I don,t know, it just makes me sad.
All you have fun tonight. And be safe! Don,t drink and drive. My dad has two DUIs already and it,s really stressful when he gets drunk. Thats a whole other thing though. So be safe, have fun, and look for me tonight! I,ll be partying. Until then I,m going to go swimming, we just finished our indoor pool. Our other one is way too cold this time of year, it,s heated but I like to swim in really warm water.
Love,
Colonel Sargent Camouflage Stately Leader
But seriously, if you look up 'bottle of pills' on google image search the first page has a picture of Heath Ledger.
No comments:
Post a Comment