Constant Medicine

Last night I went to a grown up pizza party. It actually ended up not being very grown up. There were some fancy pizzas being made which made it seem sort of grown up but there were also big fat guys walking around with their eyes closed and talking really loudly and me making jokes about weed that didn,t make sense. There was also a girl there that kept wishing people a happy birthday. It was somebody,s birthday but that didn,t give her the right to say it to so many other people.

I brought some weird beers there because I thought it would be the adult thing to do. They looked fancy enough and they had a cool picture on them so I went for it. Everything was going fine until some nerd grabbed one, opened it up, and took a deep whiff with his eyes closed. He was really trying to capture the aroma and study the fullness of the brew,s bouquet. He was also trying to prove that he knew how to use his nose. I had met the nerd once before and he spent much of the evening talking about all of the great breweries he had been to and why whatever somebody else liked sucked compared to his favorite beer. All of his clothes were stoner brown which means they were once a crisp black but he has owned/worn them for so long that they have mellowed into a nice, bleach spotted brown-gray. He looked like he really liked reading Thrasher Magazine in 1999 and never grew out of it. His wide leg Dickies were torn to shreds at the bottom of each leg from him being a bit too chill to pull his pants up if they were dragging. He wouldn,t even pull them up if it were raining outside. He would let his pant legs slowly absorb more and more water and any bystander would be able to watch this progress as the slightly darker black crept up the back of his legs.

Cliff Carlisle - Kountry Kind
Somebody eventually put some music on that was way too loud. Some of the songs were by Afro American Man but most of the songs were by a music making program with little or no human input. Somebody got tired of hearing this stuff so they started playing music from their iPod. I think they accidentally played all the same songs we had already listened to. They just wanted to show off that they had an iPod. I decided that I am going to start DJing parties using two iPads.

All of my bizarre, unfunny weed jokes started to give me a headache and I decided to leave. Plus, a strange group of grown Mexican toddlers showed up wearing giant black shirts and pants that were shaped like shorts and the girl was pregnant with razor sharp eyebrows. She started doing drugs. The other adult toddlers stood around her in a circle and blew weed smoke at her belly button in an attempt to hot box her womb. It may have been an ancient Mayan tradition.