Ricky Gervais

Last night I drove deep into the hills. It was strange being able to see the stars at night and not hearing a bunch of homeless people arguing about who was going to stand guard while one of them jerked off outside of my apartment. I went out there because I was invited to a small get together. It was nice to drive too fast on a dirt road again. You forget how American it is to lose control of a vehicle when you,re only going thirty miles per hour. I made it though. I didn,t even die or anything.

It was mostly real adults there. Adults with kids and drinking problems and property and bills in the triple digits. There were plenty of cowboy hats around. Lord knows I got my hands on one as soon as I could. The plentiful bounty of beer was served in the bucket of a green tractor. Somebody described somebody else as ,,The man cutting meat,,. Lots of plaid. Very new country music was played for several hours until Miley Cyrus, ,,Party In The USA,, came on. There was a weird domesticated skunk wondering around. The grill was made of industrial-grade pig iron and was surely manufactured by the capable hands of one of the adults, kids in their Agricultural Mechanics class at the local high school. It had the words ,,COUNTRY COOKIN,, welded to the top.

Tera Melos - Echo On The Hills Of Knebworth
The house it was at was really cool even though there are a bunch of dumb animals around. All the cowboys there were nice and I didn,t see a single Obama effigy. I kept pressuring my friend to drink more than he had planned because I wanted him to get weird. I told him I wanted him to start a fist fight with some old guy or piss on the tractor or roll down a big rocky hill or puke really loudly and obnoxiously in front of a bunch of people. Almost nobody there knew him so if he made a fool of himself it would be an excellent and lasting first impression.

He drank plenty of free tractor beers, and although he didn,t get too weird, he did end up asking some girl with nice shoes and cool teeth for her phone number. My accomplishment was talking to a pretty girl with hairy legs and a weird laugh. It wasn,t exciting but I did get to make an excuse to leave the conversation. That was nice. It,s so often the other way around.