Better Than I Thought

I,m getting my pee-pee cut off in about a week. That,ll be cool. I don,t use it much anyway. I,ve already written about this stuff but it,s getting closer to the end of the period in my life when I,ll be able to accidentally have a horrible mistake of a kid and I,m getting excited. I have saved up a special little bit of money for the procedure and I have secured myself a ride.

All I have left to do is buy something to wear that will keep my horrible balls pressed against me after the surgery. I,m not sure where to buy one. You can,t use a normal cup for it I guess because it,s supposed to really keep them smashed against you. The only time I ever wore a cup was when I played baseball as a kid because they said you had to. I remember it being incredibly uncomfortable and that, coupled with the fact that I am the least athletic person I have ever met, made me stop playing baseball and participating in anything that involved activity or movement for the rest of my life. I should probably be fat.

Henry Thomas - Complete Recorded Works
I,m still not scared of getting a needle inserted into my scrotum. I don,t like my scrotum anyway so it,s about time I paid somebody to punish it. The only thing I am sort of worried about is that it will take longer than I want to heal. It,s only supposed to take about 5 days to completely heal but I,m worried that I,ll have a really forceful sneeze and my body will tear apart. I have some fun plans lined up about two weeks after I get circumcised and I don,t want my bleeding balls to interfere with them. I guess I,m also scared about having to shave the day before. I,ve never done that before and there is a great likelihood that I will either cut myself or be so unwilling to spend the proper amount of time and effort that I will show up without having shaved and they,ll kick me out and have me arrested.

I,m hoping that they,ll give me some weird drugs to take home with me. I would really like to sell drugs for once in my life. I wonder how weak of a drug somebody would be willing to buy. Would somebody buy street ibuprofen? If they give me that I,ll still try and sell it. I,ll sell it to my roommate if he ever has a headache. I don,t plan on taking any pain medicine after I leave the hospital. I want to know what it,s like to get a vasectomy and really feel it, you know? I,m done babying my balls. I,ve been doing that for over twenty years and enough is enough. They have done nothing to show me that they appreciate the endless effort I put into their well being. I hate my balls.