New Couch

I,ve got some good news and I,ve got some bad news. The good news is that I got to check off a major accomplishment on my lifetime to-do list because a middle aged black woman roughly scrubbed my balls with some soap or something. That counts as getting to second base so I have basically had sex with a hot black girl. She wasn,t hot but she was black and nice.

The bad news is that the doctor refused to give me a vasectomy because I got mouthy with him and he didn,t like that. Also, I think my age and lack of a family may have had something to do with it. When he saw me lying there with my two disgusting milk eggs hanging out he immediately asked me how old I was and if I had kids. Then he asked me why I wanted this done and I told him that I never, ever want to have kids ever no matter what. Then he started asking me to explain that to him and I said no and he got mad and then told on me to his boss and threatened me with not doing the surgery. I just told him that if he didn,t do it I,d find a cooler doctor to do it and that made him made to. Then he said he wasn,t going to do it so I went into the bathroom and scrubbed the weird brown sauce off of my ass and legs and got out of there.

Ballard - Songs To Remind You That I Will Always Love You, Forever
Whatevs though, I already found some other doctor who is probably way cooler that agreed to do it and doesn,t care about my age or the fact that I,m a bad ass. I bet this new doctor drinks while he surgeries and only schedules appointments for 4:20. The only downside is that I can still make some very real, expensive mistakes until the middle of September so I,ve got to keep my peenie in check. Another bummer is that I shaved for nothing. That,s the worst part of all of this.