Straight Edge

I egged houses a couple of times on Halloween when I was a younger. That was fun, but I think it was a little lazy. It doesn,t take that much effort to drive around with your friends and roll down a window and toss a white chicken ball at a place where somebody lives. Everybody does that. There is no mystery or whimsy involved. It,s a proud tradition, but it,s not pushing any boundaries.

If I were younger, or more accurately, if I lived in a neighborhood where I could do stupid stuff without getting beaten up or chased, I would still egg stuff on Halloween, but I would vary it. I like that during one night each year ,,Egg,, is a verb. Language should be time sensitive like that more often. Things should only have certain definitions at specific times. School would be really hard.

Nico Muhly - Drones & Viola
Nico Muhly - Drones & Violin
Nico Muhly - Drones & Piano I would egg people. I wouldn,t throw eggs at people because that still sounds pretty normal. I would walk around with a small cooler full of eggs - some of them in the shell, some of them out of the shell, some of them scrambled, some of them poached, some of them fried, some of them prepared as an omelette. I would carry these eggs with me as I walked around the neighborhood and I would stop children and take their pillowcases or whatever they were using to hold their candy and I would carefully choose what kind of egg I was going to mash into their candy based on their costume. Then I would mash some eggs into their candy.

I think I might go to a rich neighborhood and try that this year. I am going to start cooking the eggs now so they will be ready and potent come Halloween. There should be more craft involved when picking on people. Today,s youth watches The Office and believes that it provides the height of pranking. That,s completely wrong. There is always a smile that accompanies those shenanigans. Pranks should be carried out with extreme malice and contempt. Eggs represent that.