Hat

The other day I cleaned my ears in a really dangerous way. I jammed a cotton swab really far in there. I was super dirty and I wanted to make sure that I got all of the slime out of my brain. I think I went too far in because I felt dizzy for a day and a half afterward. That was scary. I was sure that I had head cancer. I,m not dizzy anymore, but I guess I still might have cancer and just not know it yet.

I cured my stupid head by twisting it certain ways. I watched an insane video on how to do it and I thought it was crazy, but I guess people go to real doctors to have them do it so I tired it and it worked immediately. It was nuts. I can,t believe somebody figured out how to cure a case of the old wiggly brain just by tilting your head. The first six seconds of the video are absolutely terrifying.

Antony And The Johnsons - The Crying Light I,ve been applying for jobs that I am completely unqualified for. I look for ones that specifically say things like, ,,You must have at least five years of experience piloting spaceships,,, and I send them my resume and tell them that I have no experience doing anything like that, but that I am a really cool person and I bet that they,d like me. Nobody has responded yet, but I bet somebody will. Somebody will understand how valuable a cool dude with no experience is. They,ll call me and beg me to be a part of their science factory. They,ll offer me a million dollar salary and I,ll take it because I could use a million dollars right now.