Looking At It

I haven,t written anything on here in a month and nobody cares, especially me. I feel like I have been busy. Who knows if that,s true, though. Sometimes my brain thinks I,m busy when I,m not. Speaking of my brain being an idiot, I have been having horrible dreams lately. To me, any dream is horrible because I usually don,t have dreams so I get a deep, black, restful sleep. Not recently, though. It,s been a mess of fighting and terror while I sleep.

I was in the snow for a while last week. That was good. I haven,t frozen parts of my body in a long time. I almost fell through a frozen lake. I watched all of The Godfather movies edited together into a fifty hour long monstrosity. I ate popcorn. I slept with the window open and I enjoyed it all a great deal. I also saw a duck standing on leg that was likely frozen to death.

Dorothy Ashby - Soft Winds After that, I came home, but haven,t been there at all which is very strange for me. I usually only exist within the walls of my smelly apartment, but not now. Not this year. Things are different. I have been driving places and doing things. I wonder how long it will last. Nothing in my life is sustainable.

My Death Cab For Cutie cover band is about to record another album. That,s insane. We finished last month and we,re going to do another one in a couple of weeks. This one will probably take forever and I will hopefully care about it even less than the last one. I cannot believe I chose such an expensive, time consuming hobby. I am too old for everything.

A Constant Stream

Until extremely recently, I had never ordered food and had it delivered to my home. It doesn,t make sense to me. I,m not going to pay for food and then pay for somebody to bring it to me when I have a car. Even if they don,t charge you to bring it to you, I,m not going to wait forty-five minutes for some goon to shake it up and drive it to me. I can do that myself way faster.

All of that changed this past week, though. Somebody told me that some deli was going to be giving away unlimited free sandwiches all weekend as long as you had them delivered to you which was also free. It sounded insane and it was. I have eaten so many free sandwiches in the past four days. It has been incredible. I just ordered one and put it in the refrigerator because I,m not even hungry and as soon as I did that I thought, ,,I,m going to have to eat again at some point tomorrow. I had better order another sandwich,,, so that is exactly what I did. I,ve got another on the way right now. I am in love with free food. 

Mac DeMarco - Some Other Ones Yesterday I worked at a big music festival. It was gross. The people were gross. The blonde dreadlocks were gross. The sun was gross. The dust that is still deep in my lungs was gross. It was all gross, but sometimes being gross pays the bills and I,ve got several bills that like being paid. 

I think my eyes got sunburned. They kind of itch and hurt today. Also, I think I got sun poisoning. I don,t know if that,s actually a thing, but I was in the sun so much yesterday that I now feel like I,m sick. I think it,s the sun,s fault. I guess it could be my fault for only eating sandwiches, but sandwiches are good for you. I don,t think the sandwiches would do me wrong like that. 

Luxuriant Softness

I went to a gigantic metal show the other night. That was strange. The show itself wasn,t that strange, but it was strange that I went to a metal show. I don,t even listen to metal. The place was completely full of weirdos and everything was too loud and one of the people I went with got a stomachache from eating burnt yet undercooked chicken at a convenience store. It was a weird mix of things.

The best part of the night was watching some fourteen year old rip a huge vape load and then blow the smoke directly into the back of the head of the stranger in front of him. That guy,s hair was steaming and smoking for several minutes afterward. I had never seen anything like it. It was like he was a cartoon that was really mad. There truly was steam coming off of his brain. He probably got contact high via osmosis.

Pregnant Women - The Bagel Town Diaries The other best part of the night was getting home so late and being so tired that I didn,t even brush my teeth before going to bed. I haven,t done that in a while. I felt like a kid again. It was nice. I liked knowing that my teeth were getting destroyed at a faster rate that night because I was lazy. It feels good to destroy your own body on purpose.

I had to work the next morning at seven, but it didn,t matter because my new job is so insane that I only have to work for about the first quarter of the time I,m there. I don,t make any money, but I guess that,s to be expected. I am going to die soon because I,m going to run out of money, I signed up for food stamps, but they,re going to have to send them to my grave.

Weird Words

I have a job interview for a job that I know nothing about. I looked up the company online and the website is so vague. It says something like, ,,We are passionate about music and we just opened a location in Tokyo.,, That,s it. Then it has a weird list of all of the employees and their pictures in alphabetical order. It doesn,t make any sense, but I guess that,s kind of what lured me to it. They put that mysterious bait in the water and I went for it.

The schedule is insane. It,s three hours a day in the morning, five days per week. That is such a terrible schedule. You can,t make enough to live working that much and it makes it almost impossible to have another job. Luckily, my current schedule is also insane so this would work. I would be working seven mornings per week and I am positive that I would kill myself if I did it.

fLako - Eclosure The best part is that if I somehow get the job, I am sure that I would have to quit in a couple of months when I go out of town for a week or so. Maybe that,s what I,ll lead with in the interview. They will respect my brazen confidence. They,ll have to give me the job. They,ll beg me to take it. ,,Make your own schedule. Don,t come in if you don,t feel like it. We,ll still pay you,,, they,ll say.

I think if I keep telling myself that I would have to quit the job if they give it to me, it,ll make me less upset when I don,t get it. That,s what I,ll do. It,s almost like quitting before the interview. That,s the attitude that you need to make it in today,s tough economy. I,m sure my feelings would be different if I didn,t already have a full time job, but whatever. I don,t care about anything.

In My Face

Each morning when I wake up, I don,t know what day it is. If I wake up late, I am terrified that I am missing work. If I wake up early, I am angry that I got up early even though I don,t have to work. My brain is falling apart and I don,t know what to do about it. I tried using a new pillow to see if that would make my brain more comfortable while I sleep and therefore less stupid, but it,s only been one night so I can,t tell. The pillow is huge though. It,s so full. I like how hard it is, but there is too much of it. I,m going to have to look up some pillow mods.

I think the main reason I never know what day it is anymore is because I keep having to go into work on my scheduled days off. Last week I got called in twice. That was insane. One of the calls was at six forty-five in the morning which is fifteen minutes before the shift starts. It was raining and I smelled like farts and gasoline because I didn,t have time to shower.

Gavin Bryars - Hommages I really need a haircut. Maybe that has something to do with my lack of understanding when it comes to time, but I doubt it. I just know that I look like a stupid twelve year old and my head is twice the size that it should be with all of my disgusting, frizzy hair all over it. I,ve been thinking about cutting it myself. I haven,t paid to have it cut in ten or fifteen years and I don,t really want to start now. It would be too difficult to explain to some guy holding scissors that I want him to cut everything short while still covering up my receding hairline. I don't think he would know what I meant if I asked him to make me look like a gay German cop. Only I know what that means.

I,m sure I would be able to cut the top and front and maybe even most of the sides, but the back would be really difficult. It,s not because I wouldn,t be able to see. I would. I have two mirrors and I,m pretty good and turning and twisting. The difficult part is understanding that I would be looking at a reflection of a reflection and trying to remember if left means left and right means right when it,s being reflected that many times. That,s the challenge. The other challegne is trying to remember what day it is.

Very Close To Something

My belt broke the other day, but I,m still using it. It,s only partially broke. I think it will be completely unusable soon, though. I like this belt. I got it as a replacement for a belt that I had before this one. I liked that one even more. I got both of the belts from thrift stores. The broken one that I,m wearing right now isn,t as good as the first one, but it,s the same kind. It,s the same type.

I tried to look up what kind of belt it was so I could get another one, but I couldn,t figure it out at first. It,s not just a leather belt or a woven belt or a Boy Scout belt or anything like that. It,s weird. It,s like a canvass strap that has parts of a belt attached at either end. After trying to describe it to Google, I found out the name of this kind of belt and I couldn,t believe it. I still don,t know how to say it. I,ve never heard or seen this ,,word,, before.

Hood - Cold House It,s a surcingle belt. It might be said like ,,sir single,, but that,s stupid. I hope it,s ,,sir kingley.,, That,s so much better. I can,t wait to a into a belt store and demand a sir kingley belt and get thrown out. I,m going to name my first born Sir Kingley. I,m going to get them knighted. I,m going to get in trouble for naming my kid something insane.

Preparation

I am surrounded by maniacs right now. There is a convention at my work for people who like to pay to drink special water. They all seem like they are incredibly lonely and this is one of the few times each year when they are around other people who are insane enough to talk to them for more than a few seconds. They,re loving it. They all smell like they only eat dirt and figs.

One of the guys has teeth that look like they are just one tooth. There are no separations between them. They have melded together to form a lumpy, grey band. It is horrible to look at. It seems like his teeth would crumble if he tried to brush them. They are made out of old, wet clay. I,m sure that it,s a side effect from only drinking the special water that they all hold so dear.

Lindsay Lowend - Wind Fish "It removes every toxin in your body, even your teeth." That,s the tagline on every bottle. Teeth are God,s greatest mistake. You don,t need them. Dissolve them with this expensive water. Clean your organs and get rid of the white waste monopolizing your mouth. The mouth should be a celebration of the lips and tongue. Teeth have been showboating for too long. Put them in their place - the trash. Pay for this water and drink it.

No Money

My Death Cab For Cutie cover band and I woke up really early the other day so we could drive to San Francisco and play some of out adult alternative songs on a college radio station that isn,t even a real radio station. There is no ,,station.,, They play music that is streamed twenty-four hours a day on a website that nobody visits. Most of the time, it,s just a computer playing songs at random.

Knowing that nobody would be listening, we thought that this would be the opportunity of a lifetime. We could play as poorly as we normally do and say whatever insane stuff we wanted and it wouldn,t matter because we couldn,t get in trouble because nobody could hear us other than the two nerds that were ,,hosting,, the two hour radio show.

Peter Brötzmann - Nipples We got there early and set up our trash and when it was time, we played our dumb songs to an icy, barren, digital emptiness. Then the fun part happened. They let us talk on the radio. I spent the rest of the ninety minutes screaming and vaguely insulting one of the hosts. That was pretty fun. I was being extremely obnoxious and nuts.

After that, we loaded our trash back into the trusty old vehicle and drove home and broke down over and over again in the middle of heavy traffic in a densely populated metropolitan area. That was extremely exhausting and instead of getting home in two hours like we thought we would, it took us seven. At one point, the car broke down so hard that we had to eat papusas. That was great. That was probably the highlight of the day. Well, that and when we finally got towed to a mechanic and all of our phones were out of batteries so I decided that we should go to the Apple store in the mall to charge them. That was the other highlight.

White Shirt

What a day. Am I right? I slept in, ate some bread, went grocery shopping, and got one hundred dollars cash back that was supposed to last me until my next pay check in two weeks. The best part of the day was that I got my cash back and now it doesn,t exist anymore. I have no idea what happened. I almost never lose things so I don,t think that is the case.

My favorite theory that I have come up with so far is that when I was putting the groceries in my car, a homeless man approached me and asked me for fifty cents so he could buy a taco. Being a lover of tacos myself, I gave him two quarters that were in my car. I leaned in to get them and that,s when he must have picked my pocket. He was very good. I didn,t feel a thing. As soon as I gave him the two quarters, he dashed across the street.

Henry Flynt - Glissando No. 1 I thought he was walking away especially fast for a homeless person with a weird eye, but I figured that maybe he just really wanted a taco. There was a Mexican restaurant across the street and he was headed in that direction. A few minutes later, I noticed that my money was gone and I formulated this insane theory in order to feel less guilty about losing such a large sum of money.

If that guy really did pick my pocket, I,m proud of him. I never hear of that happening anymore. That is a dead or dying art and if he is the last of his kind, I hope he makes a grand living from his profession. I would much rather have him steal my money than clumsily drop it in a parking lot and have some moron pick it up and be rewarded for doing nothing. At least the thief put some effort into gaining his reward. The sloppy hag who picks up a crumpled bill from the street deserves it less than anybody.

Three Bean Salad

Some terrible website wrote me an email and asked if my Death Cab For Cutie cover band wanted to be interviewed. I told him that we did. He sent me the interview questions and then I took a closer look at his website and realized that it was terrible so I wrote up insane answers to all of his questions and was going to send it back to him, but he was asking for pictures and videos and links and that is all way too much effort for something that I don,t care about so I decided to ignore him forever and just put the interview on here.

Sam Amidon - Home Alone Inside My Head

1. Can I get a backstory on the band/band biography?
We,ve all been living with each other for six or seven years now. We got a little farmhouse for really cheap. It,s near a river and it,s basically falling apart, but we love it there. We would spend all of our time together and when Boscar first got a guitar, it inspired C-Pipe and I to learn instruments too. One thing lead to another and now we all play music together. It all happened really quickly. We never took lessons or anything. I don,t know scales or anything like that. We just play what feels right to us and our music is the result. We,re all really happy with what we,ve done.

2. What lyrical theme do you guys use in your music? What message do you want to send?
A lot of our songs are about deep, personal experiences that we,ve shared. All three of us live together and spend pretty much all of our time together so it almost feels like we,re one person. We go through the same challenges and accomplish the same goals. We take turns writing songs, but it,s not like we even need to because we all basically live the same life. Our thoughts are all the same. We usually write our songs about heartbreak and hatred and emptiness and junk like that. I guess our message is that stuff is the worst.

3. How have the gigs you guys been doing been?
What a terribly phrased question. People seem confused a lot when we play because we don,t all wear black all the time.

4. What equipment do you guys use?
I play an Oat Brundle. It,s an instrument that I invented. It,s like a really tiny bass guitar, but it,s all digital. Boscar uses a Telecaster and a Fender solid state combo amplifier. C-Pipe uses a drum set that he mostly built himself out of wine barrels. His family makes wine so he gets the barrels for free. It,s awesome. They sound really good.

5. What bands have influenced your band and its sound?
Michael Jackson is a really big influence for me. I don,t think we sound like him, but he influenced me musically a lot. I think we are all collectively influenced by Black Flag and KoЯn and The Bloodhound Gang and other good music like that. Oh, and we all like Stone Temple Pilots a lot.

6. Do you remember your first show and what was it like?
I don,t remember it at all, but I wish I did. I guess drinking too much does that to a guy. Ha Ha Ha.

7. What made you guys decide to form a band?
Well, it wasn,t something that we ever really talked about or decided. It just seemed like the natural thing to do since we were all living together and had the same ideas about stuff. We all play music so we just started doing it together and we haven,t looked back since. It,s been great and I hope it never stops.

8. What is your opinion on sites posting your guys material and other bands material?
I wish every website in the world had ever piece of music ever recorded on there for free.

9. Are there any bands that you guys enjoyed playing with more than the others?
We got to play a huge outdoor picnic thing with Papa Roach a few years ago and that was really awesome. I think about that day all the time.

10. How do you guys feel about the classifications in metal; like deathcore, metalcore and other subgenres and how some have a negative connotation?
I don,t know too much about genres and classifications. All I know is that if it,s loud, then it,s good. Ha Ha Ha. But seriously. Ha Ha Ha.

11. What song do you enjoy playing the most?
Our favorite song to play right now is ,,Noodle Man.,, It,s not one that we have recorded, but it is so awesome. It,s like an evil dance party/marching song. It,s so awesome.

12. When not doing things with the band, what can you guys be seen doing?
Just living together, mostly. None of us have jobs or go to school so we spend a lot of time watching movies together or fishing and we try to always be home to make a big meal together every night. That,s always fun.

13.Your biggest band moment?
Probably the Papa Roach picnic.

14. What is your opinion on the current state of metal?
I love it. I love metal more than anything in the world.

15. How did you guys come up with your band name?
I don,t remember. I think we stole it from some other band that,s not around anymore.

16. What can the fans expect to see from you in the future?
We,re recording an album right now called Turkey Legs that should be out in the next six months or so. We,re not sure who is going to put it out, but it,s going to be rockin,.

Hat

The other day I cleaned my ears in a really dangerous way. I jammed a cotton swab really far in there. I was super dirty and I wanted to make sure that I got all of the slime out of my brain. I think I went too far in because I felt dizzy for a day and a half afterward. That was scary. I was sure that I had head cancer. I,m not dizzy anymore, but I guess I still might have cancer and just not know it yet.

I cured my stupid head by twisting it certain ways. I watched an insane video on how to do it and I thought it was crazy, but I guess people go to real doctors to have them do it so I tired it and it worked immediately. It was nuts. I can,t believe somebody figured out how to cure a case of the old wiggly brain just by tilting your head. The first six seconds of the video are absolutely terrifying.

Antony And The Johnsons - The Crying Light I,ve been applying for jobs that I am completely unqualified for. I look for ones that specifically say things like, ,,You must have at least five years of experience piloting spaceships,,, and I send them my resume and tell them that I have no experience doing anything like that, but that I am a really cool person and I bet that they,d like me. Nobody has responded yet, but I bet somebody will. Somebody will understand how valuable a cool dude with no experience is. They,ll call me and beg me to be a part of their science factory. They,ll offer me a million dollar salary and I,ll take it because I could use a million dollars right now.

Both Of Us

My body is falling apart. Everything is going wrong with it. I am so weak that I just went outside for less than sixty seconds and the wind put a piece of dirt in my eye and now I can,t breath or see. My nose hasn,t worked in a long time. I forget what it,s like to be able to taste food. My skin has been replaced with scales. I can,t remember anything. I am dying.

Yesterday, a woman came into my work and she had Lady In The Radiator Disease. Her cheek-jaws were very, very big and round. I had never seen anything like it. Also, her teeth were very small and grey. The future is now and it,s weird as heck. My body is breaking, but I am very thankful that I don,t have an upside down light bulb head.

Gavin Bryars - Jesus, Blood Never Failed Me Yet I have to fill out a thing for the people that own my apartment today. I have to list all of the things that are wrong with it. So far I have -

1. The electrical outlet in the bathroom doesn,t work.
2. The toilet smells like pee after I pee in it.
3. It,s dirty in here.
4. It,s too hot.
5. I can hear my neighbor talking at night.
6. The cabinets are too loud.
7. Some people were cussing outside.

I don,t think that they can kick me out for thinking that I,m a maniac if I haven,t hurt anybody, so I think I,ll be alright submitting this list. I hope they fix my neighbor. The other night, I could hear him talking on the phone so clearly that I could understand what the person on the other end was saying. That was insane. They weren,t even talking about anything cool. Business and work that I don,t care about or understand is not cool.

Bone Shards

There was a convention at my work during the past two days. The convention goers were people who knew how to speak a made up language. That,s what the convention was about. There were maniacs all around me who had devoted probably thousands of hours to learning a language that some guy made up and that almost nobody uses. There were even two kids who had to have been taught it from birth. That,s insane. Their mother is insane. She looked like an even uglier version of the ugly sister from that show Charmed.

That show is insane too. It is probably the worst show I have ever seen. Two of the people at my work are so ugly and stupid and they are married or friends with benefits. They slept in the same bed together. They were so gross. I am really happy that they found one another. They deserve it. They are too dumb to be unhappy. I bet they have a nice life.

Jamie Lidell - Jamie Lidell I got that dumb apartment. Well, I gave a lady hundreds of dollars and she told me that I get to have it later. I hope she wasn,t lying. I guess that could happen. I definitely remember why I hate moving. Moving sucks. I don,t like putting things in boxes and getting dust in my mouth and throwing stuff away and then regretting it. I also have extremely severe allergies right now so that means that I keep sneezing on everything as I,m packing it. Everything is ruined.