Weird Words

I have a job interview for a job that I know nothing about. I looked up the company online and the website is so vague. It says something like, ,,We are passionate about music and we just opened a location in Tokyo.,, That,s it. Then it has a weird list of all of the employees and their pictures in alphabetical order. It doesn,t make any sense, but I guess that,s kind of what lured me to it. They put that mysterious bait in the water and I went for it.

The schedule is insane. It,s three hours a day in the morning, five days per week. That is such a terrible schedule. You can,t make enough to live working that much and it makes it almost impossible to have another job. Luckily, my current schedule is also insane so this would work. I would be working seven mornings per week and I am positive that I would kill myself if I did it.

fLako - Eclosure The best part is that if I somehow get the job, I am sure that I would have to quit in a couple of months when I go out of town for a week or so. Maybe that,s what I,ll lead with in the interview. They will respect my brazen confidence. They,ll have to give me the job. They,ll beg me to take it. ,,Make your own schedule. Don,t come in if you don,t feel like it. We,ll still pay you,,, they,ll say.

I think if I keep telling myself that I would have to quit the job if they give it to me, it,ll make me less upset when I don,t get it. That,s what I,ll do. It,s almost like quitting before the interview. That,s the attitude that you need to make it in today,s tough economy. I,m sure my feelings would be different if I didn,t already have a full time job, but whatever. I don,t care about anything.

Usefulness

I,m worried about myself. I keep seriously considering quitting my job without having another one lined up. I mean, I think I,m too much of a wimp to do it, but I sure do keep thinking about it. I don,t think you can file for unemployment if you quit. I would run out of money so quickly and I wouldn,t even be able to move back home because that place doesn,t exist anymore and my nearest family is three thousand miles away. That,s wild.

I guess that means that it,s time to grow up. That,s why I,m letting my beard grow. I,m supposed to be an adult so I had better start looking like one. Also, I like having a beard because all of my sleep drool gets trapped in it and my pillow stays dry. It smells something awful the next day, but that,s what showers are for. Showers were specifically designed for the purpose of washing the stink slime out of your face hair.

Todd Terje - It,s Album Time I should probably start eating like an adult. I made mashed potatoes for dinner the other night. That was crazy. Nobody should eat two pounds of potatoes and cheese and garlic for dinner, but I sure did. I,m sure that didn,t help the weird sore throat that I,ve had for three weeks. I,ve never had a sore throat without any other symptoms before. I hope I don,t have throat poisoning. I hope I don,t need to get my tonsils removed. I once heard that tonsils are the best catfish bait in the world. I wonder if I actually heard that or just made it up a long time ago.

Last Minute

It,s Spring. Spring is mostly dumb and it is probably my least favorite season. That,s mainly because it is the worst time in the world for allergies. It,s windy and the air is so thick with pollen and other plant dusts that it almost looks like smog. I wake up with a burning throat every morning and I have a rash on the entire inside of my body. Actually, it,s not even that bad this year because last year I had a meltdown and decided to start taking antihistamines daily. My life has been very different since then. I don,t want to constantly die. That,s the main difference.

You,re supposed to clean this time of year for some reason. You should probably clean at least once during every season, but that is not what those Washington big wigs want you to think. They only want you to clean once each year and they want you to do it right now. I did it today. I didn,t do a good job because I never do a good job when I,m cleaning my own stuff. It is only slightly less dirty than it was yesterday and it will be just as dirty or dirtier within forty-eight hours.

Stephen Steinbrink - I Drew A Picture The only good part about spring is that I get to plant stuff. I bought some cool seeds a few weeks ago and a watering can since my apartment building is almost constantly out of water. I also bought one of those big spoons that you use for moving dirt. I planted my cool seeds and then left for a week so I couldn,t water them so nothing grew. Then I stopped being stupid and replanted them and watered every day and now some little leaves exist where before there was only bare earth and cat diarrhea.

I also found some dead green onions at my work and I brought them home and put them in a glass of water and they have grown so spectacularly that I am terrified that they will soon become sentient. Maybe they already have. Maybe they see the horrendous things that I do when I think nobody is looking. Onions are the nosiest of all plants.

A Very Long Time

I gave myself another haircut last night and totally messed up the back. Now I need to buy shirts with really tall collars and only wear those for a week or two until my gross hair grows out again and starts to cover up the fact that I am stupid and poor so I give myself haircuts late at night. I had to do it at night because my apartment building is continually having the water shut off because the pipes are one thousand years old and they are being replaced, one by one, each day, every day, until I,m dead. That meant that the water would be off in the morning so I could only shower away the millions of tiny, razor sharp hair clippings at midnight.

I have never used bleach with my laundry before, but I,m going to try it today. I bought some new white shirts to wear under my shirts with gigantic collars and I have a lot of old white shirts that aren,t very white anymore so I,m going to try to restore them by using the rejuvenating power of poisonous liquid. That sentence feels very racist.

Fripp & Eno - Evening Star I,m sort of scared to do it, though. I don,t know how much bleach to use or when to add it or whatever, but what scares me the most is the thought of it splashing all over my face and killing me, but what scares me even more than the most is the thought of it splashing on me and ruining the clothes that I,m wearing right now. That would be a fate worse than death.

Maybe I,ll wrap myself in a sheet before I do it. That way, it will only ruin the stupid sheet and not my stupid clothes. I don,t know why I,m acting like I,m going to spill it on myself. I,m usually really good about not spilling. I haven,t been a stupid baby in years and spilling stuff on yourself is a stupid baby thing to do. I,m a stupid adult. I cut my hair at night and mess it up.