Good And Nice

About two square feet of the floor in my kitchen has been very slippery for the past week or so. It,s confusing and dangerous. I didn,t spill any lube in the kitchen. I don,t know why it,s so slick. I almost fall every time I,m in there. I tried scrubbing it away, but it,s still slippery. Maybe that is just part of the life cycle of a kitchen floor. I don,t know. I have never seen a documentary about kitchen floors and that is the only way I learn things.

A few minutes ago, I quit the job that I have had for over five years. I,ve never missed a day of work. I,ve never called in sick. I,m bragging. I like quitting jobs. It,s a rare experience. I tend to keep jobs for either very long or very short periods of time. Quitting is nice. People should quit things more often. I want to become addicted to heroin so I can quit.

My other job doesn,t pay me nearly enough money to live so this is going to be a fun, stupid transition. I was super poor for a year or so when I was in college. I,ll just go back to living like that. That means that I,ll have eat warm water for dinner and ride my stupid bike everywhere. I,m not looking forward to either of those things, but I am looking forward to not working as much for a while. That will be alright.

Death Grips - Niggas On The Moon I have wanted to quit for a long time, but I could never motivate myself to do it. I don,t make very much money, but I have really great health benefits and the job is often extremely easy. I have been paid to watch television a whole lot during these past five years. It is also very annoying. There is a gigantic kitchen that I can use to make meals, but I do not get any breaks so if I try to cook something and then somebody needs help, my dinner is ruined. I don,t like making beds and cleaning up after people. I don,t like plunging toilets and getting diarrhea water in my mouth and eyes.

The real catalyst for my quitting is the terrible Cimex lectularius. I have hated them for as long as I can remember. They are the essence of terror. They bring about both itching and infestation; two of my very least favorite things. Yesterday, there was an overwhelming outbreak at my work and it made me so uncomfortable that I decided with absolute certainty that I would tender my resignation. The best part about all of it was that I got to use the word "tendering."