Neat And Tidy

I have been teetering on the verge of being sick for a week now. I kind of love it. I love the word ,,teetering,, and I like waking up every morning and not feeling that well and thinking that I,m definitely going to be sick, but then I feel fine by the time I have breakfast. I,m worried that I might actually finally get sick today, though. I,ve been up for hours and head still feels like wet socks and my taste buds are all wrong.

It,s probably happening because my body got used to consuming one million percent of my daily recommended vitamin C each day when I was gobbling mandarins for the past two months. Now that I am only getting a human amount of vitamin C, my body is revolting. There is a mutiny in my guts. My body is going to walk me off the plank. I can,t wait.

B.Lewis - Plug EP It,s supposed to be cold and gross out because it,s winter, but I just went to the store and now I,m sweating because the weather is broken and it,s ninety degrees outside or something. Thanks, Obama. You and your leftist henchmen have made global warming real with your weather machines just so you can redistribute wealth to poor farmers or something. I,m not sure how politics work, but I am positive that it,s Obama,s fault.

Wear Your Glasses

Is it weird to just have one sweaty part when you have two that should be sweaty? You know, like if only one leg is sweating but the other is fine. That seems weird to me. One of my armpits has been sweating while the other has remained dry. I don,t know which armpit I should worry about. It would be cool if they both didn,t sweat, but then I,d probably die from sweat poisoning or my body would just fill up with salt water like a balloon. Obviously I have no idea how the human body works. I just suggested that not sweating would turn your body into a latex balloon. That hasn,t happened in hundreds of years. We are way beyond that.

Old Softy - Wrestling I have health insurance and there is a number I can call to talk to a real live nurse about things whenever I want. Maybe I should call and talk to the nurse about my uneven sweating. I,m pretty sure that I put the same amount of deodorant under each arm flap. Maybe that would throw it off. I,m good about that though. I,ve got a rigid routine that I never deviate from. Maybe I should call the nurse and ask them about Obama.

My smell is very important to me. I have been trying for years to figure out how to remove my smell completely, but I have come to the conclusion that that is impossible. Instead, I just make sure that I smell the same all the time. I have been using the same brands of things that smell for a long time. That,s probably a good first step towards becoming a completely crazy person. I am terrified to do things that might make me smell even a little bit different. I won,t ride in new cars. I won,t be in the same room as girls. I won,t eat foods that contain any spices or seasonings. I won,t celebrate Christmas. I won,t go down water slides. I,m not sure that I,ve ever done anything.

Art Gallery

Last night my Death Cab For Cutie cover band played a show. We don,t really play shows very often because we are terrible, nobody wants to see us play, we are too lazy to practice, Kenny is a roofer, drugs, turmoil, Obama, etc. Normal ,,band stuff,,. I was rude enough to ask this other band if we could barge onto the show they had already set up at really short notice. They were way too nice and they let us play and we ruined everything because we aren,t good and Dick-String was really late because he is sick and had to play a different show with his real band. They just had stickers made.

People were acting pretty weird last night and doing things like listening to us a little and taking our free scratched blank compact discs that we leave unattended on a table. That stuff usually never happens. The biggest joke of the night is on any of the few people that took something of ours and didn,t throw it away. All of the dumb CDs come with a nifty little piece of dirty paper with this directions on how to get to Bline Zogazine scribbled on it. God forbid any poor kid looks at this thing. Jesus Christ. Sorry dude. I hope you stopped reading a while ago.

Motohiro Nakashima - We Hum On The Way Home
The original plan was to get into fights with all of the other bands because they are so nice. That didn,t really pan out that well because we only had so many free drink tickets and apparently the beer tasted like soap. I ate a little bit of pizza though. It wasn,t that good. It never is there. The crust tastes a lot like our bathmat probably does right now. We just had a big hole in our ceiling above our shower fixed and there is a bunch of something on the bathmat. I can,t think of the word. What do people put on ceilings when they fix a big hole? Glue? White glue? So the pizza crust tastes like wet feet and white putty glue and carpet. Not that great for a pizza. Not even really that great for a bathmat.

You know what kind of pizza I like? Good pizza. Delicious pizza. Pizza with cheese and other things. That is my kind of pizza. I like that pizza that comes with the little pepper on the side. That,s a good one. I don,t get that kind very often though because they aren,t close enough to me and there is no way I am paying some delivery jerk to drive nine minutes while listening to Lil Wayne.

If it were up to me, I would replace all delivery drivers with hogs. Drugged hogs waddling through the streets, smashing their fat guts into the sides of cars, defecating in a child,s stroller, eating rabbits, carrying our pizzas on their backs using some sort of harness system. They would be highly trained and de-toothed so they couldn,t bite people but could still catch and mash up the wild rabbits that are taking over this town. Pizzas would take days to get delivered rather than minutes. Hogs would be our country,s national heroes. They should really be taken more seriously when it comes to their potential as works beasts.

Rohnert Park, California

I really miss being in Spain. We had such a good time there. The girls were just so hot and wet. You know? Yeah right. We always sat on the veranda and drank French drinks and spoke Spanish and complained. I wish I was still there with my real friends and our free wifi and cheap rent and freedom and health and lots of money. We would always sit on the roof and drink European drinks and speak European to each other and complain in European.

Last night we walked around the scape of the city taking advantage of people. We saw the cops beating up Blobby and taking him to jail. Funny enough, it was the same cop mentioned in the first digital Bline Zogazine article. I,m pretty sure they busted, or should I say, blasted out one of Blobby,s eyes with their stabbing sticks. It was mezzed ubb. I guess he beat up some 14 year old girl and stole some crack cocaine from her. I know it was bad on his part but she was dressed so sluttily that she was sort of asking for it.
The Cribs - The Cribs

We also saw this cool motorcycle and these cool Beasts of Burden walking around trying to blow up the twin towers. They kept saying they were looking for something explosive so they could fly to New York (but they kept spelling it New Yourk, we were texting each other) and put it on ground zero and blow it up more. What a bunch or jerks. I bet they,re going to vote for Barack Osama Saddam Hussein Bin Laden Obama. Then they molested some bread thieves.
Nôze - How to Dance
Password = djtrian.blogspot.com

Love,
David Spokecard