I,m leaving for a little trip tomorrow. My Death Cab For Cutie cover band and I are going to drive around in the overwhelming heat and spend a bunch of money and play annoying music in empty rooms for a few days. We,re just trying to atone for our sins, you know? This will be a good punishment for our wrongdoings and then we,ll get to be horrible people for a few more months before doing it again to wipe our slates clean.
Showing posts with label salt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label salt. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Still Thinking
I can,t believe how full I am. I am out of food right now and I,m out of food stamps until tonight at midnight, but last night I took my last remaining morsels and baked a big pile of macaroni and cheese. It was good, but I didn,t have regular milk so I had to use soy milk which made it kind of sweet. That was weird, but I evened it out by putting a ton of that salt from Red Robin on there. I ate the leftovers for lunch today and I still feel like my innards are going to rupture.
I,m leaving for a little trip tomorrow. My Death Cab For Cutie cover band and I are going to drive around in the overwhelming heat and spend a bunch of money and play annoying music in empty rooms for a few days. We,re just trying to atone for our sins, you know? This will be a good punishment for our wrongdoings and then we,ll get to be horrible people for a few more months before doing it again to wipe our slates clean.
Hank Wood & The Hammerheads - Stay Home
I have gotten into a really great napping schedule lately and I think this trip is going to totally throw it off. That will be my biggest punishment. I have worked so hard to get my napping into a comfortable groove. It takes a lot of effort to ruin your body,s natural sleeping patterns and mold your own. Now all of that will be lost. If that,s not the purest form of self-flagellation, I don,t know what is.
I,m leaving for a little trip tomorrow. My Death Cab For Cutie cover band and I are going to drive around in the overwhelming heat and spend a bunch of money and play annoying music in empty rooms for a few days. We,re just trying to atone for our sins, you know? This will be a good punishment for our wrongdoings and then we,ll get to be horrible people for a few more months before doing it again to wipe our slates clean.
Labels:
annoying,
atone,
big pile,
full,
horrible people,
innards,
morsels,
napping,
overwhelming heat,
ruin,
rupture,
salt,
self-flagellation,
slates,
wrongdoings
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Wear Your Glasses
Is it weird to just have one sweaty part when you have two that should be sweaty? You know, like if only one leg is sweating but the other is fine. That seems weird to me. One of my armpits has been sweating while the other has remained dry. I don,t know which armpit I should worry about. It would be cool if they both didn,t sweat, but then I,d probably die from sweat poisoning or my body would just fill up with salt water like a balloon. Obviously I have no idea how the human body works. I just suggested that not sweating would turn your body into a latex balloon. That hasn,t happened in hundreds of years. We are way beyond that.
Old Softy - Wrestling
I have health insurance and there is a number I can call to talk to a real live nurse about things whenever I want. Maybe I should call and talk to the nurse about my uneven sweating. I,m pretty sure that I put the same amount of deodorant under each arm flap. Maybe that would throw it off. I,m good about that though. I,ve got a rigid routine that I never deviate from. Maybe I should call the nurse and ask them about Obama.
My smell is very important to me. I have been trying for years to figure out how to remove my smell completely, but I have come to the conclusion that that is impossible. Instead, I just make sure that I smell the same all the time. I have been using the same brands of things that smell for a long time. That,s probably a good first step towards becoming a completely crazy person. I am terrified to do things that might make me smell even a little bit different. I won,t ride in new cars. I won,t be in the same room as girls. I won,t eat foods that contain any spices or seasonings. I won,t celebrate Christmas. I won,t go down water slides. I,m not sure that I,ve ever done anything.
My smell is very important to me. I have been trying for years to figure out how to remove my smell completely, but I have come to the conclusion that that is impossible. Instead, I just make sure that I smell the same all the time. I have been using the same brands of things that smell for a long time. That,s probably a good first step towards becoming a completely crazy person. I am terrified to do things that might make me smell even a little bit different. I won,t ride in new cars. I won,t be in the same room as girls. I won,t eat foods that contain any spices or seasonings. I won,t celebrate Christmas. I won,t go down water slides. I,m not sure that I,ve ever done anything.
Labels:
armpits,
crazy person,
girls,
human,
Obama,
rigid,
salt,
sweat poisoning,
uneven,
water slides
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