Hours And Hours

Remember that fake band that I,m ,,in,,? Yeah, me neither. We have this show next week and it is going to be dumb. It,s with a bunch of chuggers. One of the bands is called The Chuggers. They just mosh and chug and wear backwards hats and have dark green Ibanez guitars with wireless setups. Dumb as can be. I think the plan is that we are just going to bum everybody out and blast twenty minutes of terrible noise. I,m not sure what would bum people out more actually, if we play noise or our actual awful songs. Probably equal bum-factor. And that night I think we will be called Bum-Factor. And we,ll just play Fear Factory songs or the theme song to Fear Factor. I never saw that show. I don,t know if it had a song. Joe Rogan sucks though.

I just wasted a ton of money on an annoyingly cumbersome and heavy box to play music out of. I didn,t really rationalize it before I bought it, but why would I ever need something like that when nobody will hear anything that gets played out of it anyway?

Ashlee Simpson - Autobiography
This whole article is starting to sound like a poosy, woe is me, Pobre Ana tale. I don,t mean it that way. I mean it in the way where I don,t know what to write and I,m bored at work. I wish I had cool stories to tell like the interesting guy that writes on here. Did you read his past few? Top notch. They keep making mine look like the halfhearted fabrications that they are. I guess it,s my fault for not doing anything ever. I just look for blawgs about me on the internet. I,m the most vain person I know.

Speaking of tattoos, some psychobilly girl I used to know keeps covering her lonely body with some of the most horrible abominations I have ever seen. She is a moron. Her newest one is just a mirror that says vanity under it. The mirror doesn,t even reflect anything. And there is no reason for her to get that because everybody can already tell how vain she is by measuring the amount of leopard-print bra sticking out from under her ex-boyfriend,s fitted Ed Hardy muscle shirt. She has a bunch of stupid diamonds tattooed all over her neck and that pregnant angel from the Nirvana record tattooed on her back. The crown jewel however, is the gaudy, cursive Latin phrase smothering her hips. It says, ,,Love Conquers All,,. Yeah right. I wonder how she,s going to feel when she looks at that as she is dying alone from alcohol poisoning. I,m sure it is translated completely incorrectly and it probably just says something that the tattoo guy read at a courthouse. That,s what I would do.

I Overcooked The Noodles

I keep stumbling upon sweet, golden gems on the vast mystical expanse of the internet. More specifically, I keep finding these strange, poorly written blogs that all too often feature me as the focal point. Now, it goes without saying that all of these blawgs shine a very negative light on me. As they should. But the stories, or more realistically, the pseudo feelings about me are pretty bizarre. They are sometimes so nonsensical that I question if it is really not about me but about somebody else with the same name as me who looks the same who knows the same people and who lives in my ugly apartment.

I can understand a hatred or rage towards me. That,s all legitimate. I can,t understand all the stuff that I read that are vague memories of things that never happened involving myself and the author. It,s always stuff about us spending a lot of time together and having the greatest time ever. First, I don,t have a good time with anybody. Second, I don,t spend time with anybody. They write about me like I am an actual person that has feelings or considers anybody else’s. It really weirds me out.

Klimek - Movies Is Magic
I mean, I enjoy the attention. I,m starting to get even more full of myself than I already was. I just can,t figure out where these stories are coming from. It,s making me think that I have that rare disease where I make certain people hallucinate when they are around me. I forget what it,s called but I think it can be pretty serious. Jesus had it. Hitler had it. I think I am the new Hitler-Jesus. Thus the prophecy has been fulfilled and it is all thanks to the literary masterpieces floating about the pages of boogle.com like shrimp-sized pieces of diarrhea.

Pregnant

I have been so into Japanese stuff lately. When I work nights I have to just sit in a chair next to a computer for eight hours. Sometimes I read stuff but most of the time I am listening to music and looking at blawgs that are free of content and full of anime and pokemon references that I don,t understand. Oh, and sometimes I dump out a two paragraph long lie that I call homework and turn in to a rad teacher that is somehow letting me get a degree that I,ll never use.

But all this Japanese stuff is so rad. I look at all these Japanese pictures all day that I don,t get. Then I listen to Japanese music. Then I want a Japanese camera. And I even have a Japanese friend now.

Guitar Wolf - Planet Of The Wolves
It was all fun and cute cartoons with small smile-mouths for a while but now I,m getting worried. I called up my family doctor and told him what I,ve been up to and you know what he said? That old internment camp alumni said that I have yellow fever. Whoobs!

So now I,ve just been monitoring my intake of sneaky sausage plates and rice krispies. The good doctor said I should be healthy as a worn-torn country covered in American CDs with better technology than anybody else in no time. Also, as part of my treatment I had to go to a fancy Chinese restaurant last night and only leave a forty-nine cent tip. Who put peepee in who,s coke now?

I just talked to Jerry Hsu and he said he,s switching to Japanese. Take that!