Pregnant

I have been so into Japanese stuff lately. When I work nights I have to just sit in a chair next to a computer for eight hours. Sometimes I read stuff but most of the time I am listening to music and looking at blawgs that are free of content and full of anime and pokemon references that I don,t understand. Oh, and sometimes I dump out a two paragraph long lie that I call homework and turn in to a rad teacher that is somehow letting me get a degree that I,ll never use.

But all this Japanese stuff is so rad. I look at all these Japanese pictures all day that I don,t get. Then I listen to Japanese music. Then I want a Japanese camera. And I even have a Japanese friend now.

Guitar Wolf - Planet Of The Wolves
It was all fun and cute cartoons with small smile-mouths for a while but now I,m getting worried. I called up my family doctor and told him what I,ve been up to and you know what he said? That old internment camp alumni said that I have yellow fever. Whoobs!

So now I,ve just been monitoring my intake of sneaky sausage plates and rice krispies. The good doctor said I should be healthy as a worn-torn country covered in American CDs with better technology than anybody else in no time. Also, as part of my treatment I had to go to a fancy Chinese restaurant last night and only leave a forty-nine cent tip. Who put peepee in who,s coke now?

I just talked to Jerry Hsu and he said he,s switching to Japanese. Take that!

Clean Sink

All of you Beasts of Burden know how bad I am at keeping jobs right? Right. Last summer I had a job for three days at this hotel where not so famous comedians hung out. It was way too boring and I,m a free spirit. The only good part was that one of the three days I got to work with a greaser, you know, the guys that look like the band Lit in that video for the only hit song they had. Did anybody else have that record? I did. They all had flaming dice tattoos and slicked back hair and cool belts and thick boots. That video they did with Pamela Anderson was rad though. She is the most important girl in history. The other good thing about that job is that we sold biker porn mags and I had to rip the covers off when we were throwing them away which meant I had to expose this picture of some girl getting a peepee wiggled into her fanny by a tough biker that was on the first page. I was working with some old lady that shift.

Frederic Chopin - Waltzes
I got this job a few weeks ago waving a lightsaber (I just had to look up if that was one word or not because I knew if I spelled it wrong the dorkier Beasts would kick my ass) around and getting yelled at by punkers. I worked weekend shifts from 7pm to 3am. It was wack. The guy I worked with always smelled like McDonalds and cigarettes and fat girlfriend and unplanned childbirth. He was a bummer. He would listen to this weird mp3 player and yell lyrics to Sublime songs and rave twist with his lightsabers.

So I quit after working four days. One day longer than my last job that I quit. The dudes were just too greasy and I,d rather be a pauper than an asshole, you know? On my last day my sweetheart came by and we set up a mini ramp and did skate tricks in front of my boss. He was slightly impressed with my Tony Hock 1080 Snowboarding flips. Then we had dinner and I got paid for it. I met a gay black guy at dinner. My sweetheart is jealous of how tall he is.

Love,

Fine Fine Fine, Very Good Very Good Very Good, Very Very Very Very Good