Soft Damage

I have spent way too much time at the DMV lately. I,ve been there twice in the past week and let me just say, it is exactly as terrible and gross as television shows make it seem. It,s the one thing that fiction doesn,t exaggerate. It,s awful and everybody knows it and TV shows pay homage to its unending depravity. It is always the temperature of gross soup and everything is sticky like somebody spilled gross soup on it and everybody there smells like gross soup. Also, it,s really crowded.

Luckily, I don,t think I,ll have to go back there for a long time. I paid my dues. I was worried that when I was there, they would notice that I have had the same picture on my driver,s license since I was fifteen and they would make me take a new picture. I want to keep that picture on there until I,m dead. I look so tan. They didn,t notice the picture, though. If they did notice, they definitely didn,t care. Maybe I still look exactly how I did when I was fifteen and they thought it was a recent picture. The world will never know.

Drake - If You,re Reading This It,s Too Late My hands and forearms are all cut up because I spent all day yesterday clumsily ripping out the old, dumb stereo in my new, gigantic van. It would have probably been pretty easy if I had known what I was doing, but that,s just not how things went down. I haphazardly jammed my appendages into dark holes and yanked and shoved things as hard as I could until the old stereo was out and the new one was in. It was a job that should have taken twenty minutes, but it took my weak, unskilled hands several hours.

I do feel a very slight, annoying sense of satisfaction at having done all of that by myself, though. The van still starts so I didn,t do that bad of a job. Sure, I cut every corner possible and I used parts in ways which they were not designed, but that,s not the point. The point is that it looks like some wild beast of burden tried to eat my arms and I can now listen to music that isn,t the radio while driving recklessly across this great nation.

A Huge Gap

My Death Cab For Cutie cover band is going to drive around and play a few shows this weekend. We almost never do that because we,re not a real band. We,re going to pretend that we are for a little while, though. We,re going to cram our tender bodies into a van with four other people and get dirty and annoyed with each other and then play music in empty rooms for no money all while spending a ton of our own on gas and food and transportation. It is such a stupid, expensive hobby.

To prepare for this trip, I cut my own hair at one in the morning the other night. It was scary and exhausting, but at least my head looks like a normal head now. I think I messed up the back, but I can,t be totally sure because I can,t see it that well even when I,m using two mirrors. Whatever. The deed is done and I no longer have disgusting, long, curly hairs tickling the inside of my ear like some sort of wild ivy vine.

White Suns - Totem My apartment building is being worked on. Specifically, the apartment right next to mine is being worked on. It sounds like they are cutting cement blocks with chainsaws over there all day. Luckily, my walls are extremely thin so I have an aural front row seat. I found out last night that the plumbers have to go into my apartment and do something under my sink today and tomorrow and they don,t know when or for how long. That means that I can,t masturbate while standing in front of my front door like I normally do. I guess we all have to make sacrifices sometimes, though.

This is my last day of work before having ten days off. Some of those days will be spent in the van in other states while other days will be spent at an optometrist,s office because I am sure that my eyesight is getting bad and that I need glasses. Everything far away is blurry and it,s terrifying. Also, a muscle in my face has been twitching all day and if they can,t fix that, then I,m not going to pay them.