She Resembles You

Last night I went to a real punk show. It has been a very long time since I went to a punk show on purpose without having to play there myself. I now totally remember why I don,t do that anymore. The people there are awful. There is no demographic that makes me feel less comfortable than smelly, drunk, obnoxious kids wearing all black with spikes and weird jewelry.

I went to see one of the two good punk bands that currently exist and they were great. They were respectful. They played at a reasonable volume for a reasonable amount of time. They sounded good and they performed well. I couldn,t have asked for a better experience from them. The people watching them, however, were intolerably gross.

Nirvana - In Utero I know that,s to be expected at a punk show, but I thought maybe it would have calmed down a little bit since 1981. I was wrong. There were still goons throwing full beers at people, idiots jumping off of stuff onto my brain holder, and there was even an aging, bleached punk troll who spit on the singer of the good band on purpose. I had never been surrounded by more terrible cartoons in my entire life.

I got home at one thirty in the morning and immediately took a shower, but the memory of having somebody,s disgusting head of filthy hair repeatedly pushed up against my face will never leave me. I am absolutely not cut out for punk music or any kind of music really. As the late, wonderful Charles Ives once said, ,,I sort of hate all music.,,

Not Anymore

Today is Black Friday - the anniversary of the day that everybody in Europe died from rat bites. That happened exactly one hundred years ago today. People celebrate this horrible occasion by sitting outside of buildings all night and trying to find rats and kill them. If they kill a rat, they get to go inside the building and buy something.

Most people don,t really do the rat killing anymore, though. That,s sort of an old, forgotten part of the holiday. Most people just wait outside of buildings at night and then buy things, but they think about rats while they,re doing it. It,s the thought that counts.

Perfect Pussy - I Have Lost All Desire For Feeling I,ve never celebrated Black Friday. I,ve killed and eaten plenty of rats, but never for any special reason. I just do it to live. There,s no real need to stay up all night in the freezing wind to do it. You can do it in the comfort of your own home if it,s filthy enough. Plus, you can honor the billions of dead Europeans in other ways. You can talk in a funny accent for a little while.

I wrote all of this with a funny accent. I know it,s difficult to read an accent sometimes, but as I read it, I can hear it in my brain box. Celebrating things internally is much more dignified and respectful. It,s like having an erection during class and not making a big deal about it.