Be Careful With Your Nose

Last night I went to a very adult birthday celebration. It was at a bar that sold fancy pig meats and expensive liquids. The water was extremely free so I had a glass of that. I wish they would have had milk and microwaves so I could have made myself a warm milk. That would have been a cutting edge beverage to drink in a large, noisy room filled with people who looked like they worked at Urban Outfitters.

It was so crowded there. Everybody was white except for the people who were working. Everybody was my age. People kept touching me. It was not really my type of environment. It would have probably been pretty alright if there were only eight or nine people there, but there were definitely over a hundred. One of those hundred people told me that I was adorable and that he would make out with me. I,m not saying that to brag or anything even though I totally am, but I,m saying it because it is the second time in my long, weird life that somebody has hit on me. It was a momentous occasion.

The Hics - Tangle That happened as soon as I got there so the evening peaked very early on. Luckily, I didn,t plan on staying there too long so I rode that wave of smug euphoria for thirty more minutes before leaving without bidding anybody farewell.

As I got up to leave, somebody in the party asked me if I was going to go dancing. I told them that I was not. They asked me why and I said I didn,t want to because I was sick. Then I remembered that lying is dumb and I am no sicker than I normally am so I corrected myself by saying, ,,I,m not really sick. I just don,t like fun.,, Then I left and went home and thought about the logistics of trying to smoke a piece of poop through a bong that had pee in it instead of water. That would be the ultimate high.

Crab Filled Shrimp

Last night the ol, Death Cab For Cutie cover band played a show that a house that you may have heard of before. It was interesting. They cooked a pizza and had wine. I told you it was an adult house. There seemed to be a lot of people everywhere and I almost constantly felt like I was accidentally touching somebody.

There was a girl there with half a head of blue hair and I don,t think she was joking about it. She had a very sincere look to her. She was wide. She was like a lighthouse. I know that,s not a great description because lighthouses are often tall and thin, but she was tall and wide so please think of that. She was a lighthouse wearing all black with half of a blue head and a bad attitude.
Matmos - The West
The strangest part of the evening was not watching my friend jam his finger into the body of a soft, weeping pumpkin, it was when some long-haired nerd came and talked to me. I was leaning against a wall because I am a cool guy and that,s what we do, and a grease-head wearing a leather jacket came and leaned next to me. At first I just thought that he was copying me because he noticed how cool, calm, and collected I looked. I was wrong. He was on a mission.

He leaned next to me in silence for two or three minutes before asking me if I saw a girl standing across the room wearing a brown jacket. I said yes and he then told me that if I wanted her number, I just had to go over and ask her because she would totally give it to me. Then he told me that same thing again. Then he said it again but phrased it a little differently. I kept saying, "Ok," each time in a surely-bewildered voice. He then asked my name and told me his and assured me that he was the girl,s brother,s best friend and left.

I didn,t even really see the girl. I saw her back. I know that she had a back covered in a brown jacket, but that,s all I know for sure. After that I immediately left and felt bad for the sweet, tiny girl who was probably having a prank played on her by that guy who told me to ask for her number. Maybe her phone had just broken and he wanted to rub it in her face. Maybe he was trying to play a prank on me because she was deaf and I would have felt uncomfortable asking a deaf girl for her phone number upon realizing that she was deaf. Why would a deaf girl be at a show?