Be Careful With Your Nose

Last night I went to a very adult birthday celebration. It was at a bar that sold fancy pig meats and expensive liquids. The water was extremely free so I had a glass of that. I wish they would have had milk and microwaves so I could have made myself a warm milk. That would have been a cutting edge beverage to drink in a large, noisy room filled with people who looked like they worked at Urban Outfitters.

It was so crowded there. Everybody was white except for the people who were working. Everybody was my age. People kept touching me. It was not really my type of environment. It would have probably been pretty alright if there were only eight or nine people there, but there were definitely over a hundred. One of those hundred people told me that I was adorable and that he would make out with me. I,m not saying that to brag or anything even though I totally am, but I,m saying it because it is the second time in my long, weird life that somebody has hit on me. It was a momentous occasion.

The Hics - Tangle That happened as soon as I got there so the evening peaked very early on. Luckily, I didn,t plan on staying there too long so I rode that wave of smug euphoria for thirty more minutes before leaving without bidding anybody farewell.

As I got up to leave, somebody in the party asked me if I was going to go dancing. I told them that I was not. They asked me why and I said I didn,t want to because I was sick. Then I remembered that lying is dumb and I am no sicker than I normally am so I corrected myself by saying, ,,I,m not really sick. I just don,t like fun.,, Then I left and went home and thought about the logistics of trying to smoke a piece of poop through a bong that had pee in it instead of water. That would be the ultimate high.

The First Day Of Wintear

My Death Cab For Cutie cover band played another weird show the other night. We got paid. That was the weirdest part. I,m still sort of half-expecting the manager of the place to call me and tell me to give his money back. Lord knows that we didn,t earn it. I don,t know if I have ever really earned money. I,m white, so probably not.

The first band that played were a bunch of older funny guys and girls with hats and sunglasses inside at night. They sounded like a group of fourteen year olds who had asked for an instrument for Christmas and got a used on and immediately started playing shows with the other five fourteen year olds because they also had instruments. They never wrote songs or practiced, they just showed up and ,,jammed,, their hearts out. ,,That,s what music is about,,, they,d say as they played four different, nonexistent songs at the same time.

Toro Y Moi - Anything In Return They looked like the mothers and fathers of those fourteen year olds. They were so proud of their children,s aspirations. They lived vicariously through them. They tried to make up for their own personal failures with the failures of their children. They ended up losing even more. The parents turned to alcohol and ignoring their spouses, but it was the fourteen year olds who really suffered. They had to grow into their parents, shoes. I guess that,s what the band was. I didn,t like them very much.