The First Day Of Summear

My Death Cab For Cutie cover band is recording an album right now and last night I had to record some singing and it almost made me throw up. It was crazy. It also gave me the worst, most piercing headache I have ever experienced. Now I feel like I got beaten up. I am way too old for music. I can,t even say words into a recording machine without hurting myself. My body was not made to last this long. I can,t believe I,m still alive.

Those car exorcists finally got the ghost out of my ugly vehicle. They sure charged me a pretty penny for it. I could have definitely bought a car in the same condition as mine for that money. I guess that,s what I get for being a dope. I made the guy at the car hospital promise me that if I paid him that crazy amount of money, nothing bad would ever happen to me or my car again, though. So I guess I,m invincible now.

The Soft Pink Truth - Why Do The Heathen Rage? I only have four more days of work at my dumb job. Thank heavens. I like being so close to the finish line that I can see it. It,s comforting. It,s so comforting that I am doing an even worse job than I normally do. It,s great. I,m not worried about being reprimanded and I,m certainly not worried about being fired. That would actually be a good thing. Then I could get unemployment.

Speaking of unemployment, I,m excited to try my hand at the food stamp game again. I am sure that I will definitely be poor enough to qualify for them after this week. I am not looking forward to having to go to the food stamp factory and sit in a big, smelly room with a bunch of ghouls, but if that,s what it takes to get a free eighty dollars every month to spend on popsicles and noodles, then I,ll do it.

Consideration

I went to a bizarre adult party the other day for a little while. It was not good. I have never been to a party like that. I have been to different adult parties where I feel like I am the youngest person there because everybody is way older than I am, but this one was different. The normal adult parties have old people listening to blues and talking about insurance and drinking expensive clear alcohol. This adult party was full of  ugly people in their thirties who were all smoking weed and playing dominoes. It was kind of like a high school party but worse and sadder because these were grown ups with more experience than seventeen year olds.

Everybody was yelling and cussing and saying things that they thought were funny but were not funny. They were playing Snoop Dogg,s reggae album that I didn,t know anybody in the world owned. They were drinking cheap beers. They were uninteresting. The only real difference was that instead of only having chips and salsa available (they did have chips and salsa) they friend fatty ground beef and put it into greasy tortilla shells with room temperature shredded cheese blends and tomato chunks. That was the upgrade. That was the thing that set them apart from people who had not yet graduated high school.

Efterklang - Tripper Another thing that was very reminiscent of high school parties was a near-constant bombardment of questions like - Are you okay? Do you want some chips? You know that there are chips over there, right? Do you want something to drink? Do you want a soda? Do you want some ground beef?

I understand and appreciate the hospitable gesture, but one question is enough. I know where the food and drinks are. I,m not as stupid as I seem. Actually, I seemed and probably was very stupid because I went to an adult party where mothers were smoking weed and neglecting their children. I hated it and I am terrified to know now for certain that there are people whose brains never grow up even though their disgusting bodies are decaying.

Bad Plugs

While I was eating lunch, I threw a piece of lettuce on the floor and laughed. That,s the best part about living on your own. You can throw leaves wherever you want and nobody will get mad at you except for yourself later when you step on the leaf and it,s squishy and kind of wet. You,ll be mad then, but you,ll remember how much fun you had throwing it on the floor of the apartment that you pay a lot of money for and it,ll all be worth it. The anger will fade and you,ll forget what you were thinking about. You,ll fall asleep and sweat all night.

Ramble Tamble - Twang Of The Void The other night I was supposed to work from three PM until eleven PM, but I thought it would be hilarious to work until one AM instead. I,m just joking, I didn,t really think it would be hilarious, but I couldn,t reach the guy that was supposed to come in and my new manager was sleeping through my phone calls. It was weird at first and then it got boring and then it got weirder because I was tired all day and staying up that late didn,t do anything good for me. My body is falling apart and that made it worse.

I,m going to try to sue my job for making my body not work. It,s not my fault for filling it with food that has no nutritional value for decades. It,s their fault for making me work two extra hours once. ,,Hours,, doesn,t look like a real word. It,s a French word. It,s French for ,,horse.,, They eat horse in France. They also eat horse here. I just found out that it,s legal to eat horse in America. I thought that it wasn,t. Apparently, it was illegal to kill them for human food, but that,s not even illegal anymore. I love this country.