High Fives

Two months ago I went to the bank to put my flaccid paycheck in there and on the way out I saw a roll of quarters sitting on a chair. Normally, I would have just popped that sweet, silver ten dollars in my pocket and rewarded myself with some food I didn,t need or something, but since it was in a bank, I figured that I would go to prison for the rest of my life if I did that. Instead, I picked it up and slid it through the little hole in the window in front of the bank teller and told them that it was sitting on a chair. I probably looked really annoyed. I was annoyed that I was doing the good thing. I don,t know if it,s the good thing if I only did it because I was afraid of getting in trouble.

Today I went to the bank and they gave it back to me because they said nobody had claimed it. I had forgotten about it so that was a sassy little surprise. I would have enjoyed taking it two months ago more though, I think. It always feels nice to quickly see something that isn,t yours and put it in your pocket and walk away. I once found a one hundred dollar bill on the ground in a casino and I felt like a superhero/spy when I picked it up. I probably wasted it on something stupid like a present for a girl that I don,t like or on something practical like paper towels. I,ll take one hundred dollars worth of paper towels, please.

Squarepusher - Enstrobia I hope that nobody thinks that they should turn something in if they find it. I know that I was rewarded with ten dollars in quarters this time for doing it, but I have lost much more than I have gained with this tactic. I once found a wallet that had forty dollars in it and I turned it in to a police station but I wrote a mean note and left it in it because I was mad at myself for not stealing the money so I thought I would take it out on him. Nothing good came from that. I should have kept it.

Another time I found a purse with twenty five hundred dollars in it at work. I had no idea what to do and since it was so much money I thought I would definitely get in trouble if I didn,t turn it in and the police would probably get called and be mad at me because I,m a white male and police always treat white males the worst. The jerk that left the purse came back to get it and was rude and didn,t even give me a thousand dollars as a thank you. My boss gave me fifty dollars because I didn,t steal it, but it would have been way cooler to have kept it. I regret being scared of repercussions every second of every day.