Staying Up Pretty Late

I,m going to drive a thousand miles in a few days. That,ll be weird. I,m going to drive to a very small town and sit there for a month and then drive back. I think I,m doing it to punish myself. I won,t say exactly where I,m going, but I,ll give you a hint - The people there are famously homophobic. I,ll give you another hint - there is nothing there. Do you give up? I don,t care.

I plan on rolling around in the dirt and singing country songs to myself all day while I,m there. I also plan on getting mean looks from the local townsfolk because of my sweaters and weak wrists. Maybe it would be a better idea to adopt the look of the natives. I could wear a cowboy hat and hold a beer and gain a lot of weight. That would be my only defense. If I can blend in, maybe I won,t get chained to a fence to death.

The Roots - Do You Want More?!!!??! I don,t really know what to bring. I plan on bringing a small chair that my friend gave me recently because, like I always say, why stand when you can sit and why sit when you can lie down? I don,t know if they have chairs there. I,ll be a king among men if they don,t.

Horse repellant is also on my list, but I don,t know if that,s a real thing. I was looking at Google Street View of an area near where I will be and there were horses in the road and that is terrifying. It might be easier to buy some horse poison because I,m almost certain that that is a real thing. Horses are like cockroaches throughout most of the world. I don,t know why people treat them like animals here. All horses want to do is smash people,s heads with their metal feet.

Who knows if there will be internet access there? I am betting on the town being little more than old, cartoon, wooden outhouses and antelope skeletons. I,m going to be excited if they have running water that isn,t full of tadpoles. I,m going to be even more excited if there is a real scarecrow there. I,m going to be the most excited if everything is black and white because they are living so far in the past.