Allergic To Bread

I have been spending so much money lately in very dumb ways. My roommate moved out a week ago so my living expenses doubled. Now I have to pay for a tiny living room/kitchen, hall, bathroom, my room, and an empty room. I should probably put something in that empty room so I feel like I,m getting my money,s worth. I was thinking that I would put an ironing board in there. Maybe I,ll put a dirty, stained mattress in there and take off the glass cover off of the overhead light so it,s just bare bulbs and if I ever trick a girl into coming over, I,ll keep the room to my door closed and bring her into the diarrhea mattress room and immediately shut the light off. I guess I have to board up the window in there too so it,s extra spooky and romantic. That,s going to cost even more money.

Dan The Automator - Wanna Buy A Moneky? Instead of doing what a human would do in this situation, I went out and spent the most money I have ever spent on groceries and I bought a stupid phone so my phone bill will be twice as expensive. That makes sense. Now that I,m not forcing somebody to share the financial burden of my disgusting apartment, I increase my spending by a lot. That,s what America is all about. Maybe I,m doing it so people will think I,m cooler. They,ll look at me and whisper, ,,Look at that guy. He spends so much money and doesn,t make that much. I,d like to be his friend because I think that,s cool and risky. He,s like a more skeletal John Wayne,,

Maybe I,m having a midlife crisis. Old guys usually spend a lot of money on something stupid when they realize that they,re old. If that,s happening, I,m not going to live to be that old. I guess fifty is kind of old. Not upgrading my living space but instead paying more for it is my version of buying a fancy red car and having sex with an ugly, emaciated blond girl. I think I,m fine with that. I,ll do that other stuff during my end life crisis which will happen during everybody else,s midlife crisis. I want to never write ,,Crisis,, again.