I hurt my back the other day. I was lifting fabric. That,s how weak I am. I was lifting a few sheets of fabric in a basket and now my back won,t work and I am probably going to die from it. It,s actually not that bad anymore, but my mouth is making up for it. I was eating dinner a few nights ago and bit my lip. That sounds dumb, but that,s true. There is no cool way to describe a lip bite. I bit it hard and now one side of my mouth is swollen and tender and surely infected with horrible germs.
It makes my entire lips weird. I wake up and they,re all sticky and gross. They,re usually gross, but they,re hardly ever sticky. I don,t know what to do about it. I have been holding hydrogen peroxide in my mouth for minutes at a time, but now my tongue is starting to burn when I do that. That probably means that my tongue is ruined and I won,t be able to taste anything for much longer.
Charles Ives - Ives Plays Ives
I,ve heard that people kill themselves when they can,t taste things. I,m not going to kill myself. I,m going to use my new ailment as a superpower. I am going to eat trash and peppers and win gross food contests. That will be how I make my money. I,ll probably get a show on The Food Network where contestants come up with disgusting, inedible things for me to pile in my face. Each episode will come end with a close up on my horrible, sweaty face. I,ll be crying and shoving used coffee filters into my bleeding mouth.
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