New Show

I have eaten so much soup in the last few days. I,ve had it for every meal. My turds are liquid. My pee is liquid too. I,ve been sick this week so I,ve been filling my body with liquids. That,s the worst part about being sick - having to drink a ton of water and pee all the time. I have always heard that you,re supposed to drown your sickness with water so I always drink a lot when I,m sick. I don,t know if it makes me feel any better, but it makes me feel more annoyed because I have to pee every eight minutes.

Somebody stole my bike the other day. That was annoying. Luckily, the weather finally got nice so it means that I won,t be riding my bike for several months. I like to enjoy the nice, cool weather from the comforts of my car. I don,t like feeling the weather on my face. I want to know what it looks like, but have to imagine what it would feel like to be in it. I,m a modern man, not a heathen. 

Bing & Ruth - Tomorrow Was The Golden Age

I think I,m almost done being sick so I,ve stopped drinking so much water. Hopefully it,s not the eye of the storm. I,m much too much of a weak baby to put up with any more sniffling. I hate the sound of people sniffling and when I have to do it myself it,s a million times louder because my nose is only two inches away from my ears. Each wet sniff sounds like a shotgun blast. Each throatful of mucus that I swallow sounds like a family of hogs being thrown into a breaking wood chipper. My body is an orchestra of horrible sounds.