Returning To The Same Place

I,m pretty certain that my Death Cab For Cutie cover band will finally be finished with this dumb record this week. We gave ourselves two weeks to do it and it,s only taken four so far. Not bad. We have had a few days off, but not many. I can,t wait to have the label tell us that they don,t like it and they,re not going to put it out or pay for it. That,ll be a fun holiday surprise.

Speaking of holidays, I,m baking a pie right this very minute. Tomorrow is the big day. It,s the day where people eat the worst of all circular foods - pies. I don,t like or eat pies because I,m not a heathen, but I will be spending the day with those who do so I figured I,d do the right thing and make them a gross, brown circle to consume. Also, I think I might be good at making these brown circles and I like it when I can impress families. I don,t know for sure, though. I have never tasted one of my own creations. Like I said, I am not a heathen.

Arthur Russell - Another Thought Speaking of holidays again, it,s mandarin season. The most holy season of the year. I have eaten quite a normal amount of mandarins for this time of year. That means that I,m pretty close to finishing my first ten pound bag that I got a few days ago. This year,s haul is exceptional. I am very impressed. I hope to get at least seventy more pounds in and out of my body before the season ends. It,s a lofty, but completely realistic goal as long as I stay focused.

I have been eating nothing but mandarins and Indian food for the past few days. The mandarins are self explanatory, but the Indian slop is new for me. My dear friend recently procured a nice little book full of recipes involving way too many ingredients and words that I will never pronounce correctly. While sneakily looking through it when his back was turned, I found one that looked almost manageable for somebody of my limited ability and intelligence so I took a blurry picture of the recipe and tried to make it for myself. Miraculously, it came out looking and tasting edible so obviously, I tried it again the next and to my surprise, it worked out again. My turds hate me and I hate them.

New Show

I have eaten so much soup in the last few days. I,ve had it for every meal. My turds are liquid. My pee is liquid too. I,ve been sick this week so I,ve been filling my body with liquids. That,s the worst part about being sick - having to drink a ton of water and pee all the time. I have always heard that you,re supposed to drown your sickness with water so I always drink a lot when I,m sick. I don,t know if it makes me feel any better, but it makes me feel more annoyed because I have to pee every eight minutes.

Somebody stole my bike the other day. That was annoying. Luckily, the weather finally got nice so it means that I won,t be riding my bike for several months. I like to enjoy the nice, cool weather from the comforts of my car. I don,t like feeling the weather on my face. I want to know what it looks like, but have to imagine what it would feel like to be in it. I,m a modern man, not a heathen. 

Bing & Ruth - Tomorrow Was The Golden Age

I think I,m almost done being sick so I,ve stopped drinking so much water. Hopefully it,s not the eye of the storm. I,m much too much of a weak baby to put up with any more sniffling. I hate the sound of people sniffling and when I have to do it myself it,s a million times louder because my nose is only two inches away from my ears. Each wet sniff sounds like a shotgun blast. Each throatful of mucus that I swallow sounds like a family of hogs being thrown into a breaking wood chipper. My body is an orchestra of horrible sounds.