Finally Working

When I was a junior in high school I had a discussion with a kid in my math class about what kind of person would be best to eat. I have a pretty bad memory, but that conversation is something that has stuck with me. It,s probably because we were being so honest and it was really nice to have an open exchange of ideas with somebody without fear of judgement. It was probably one of the best, most important discussions I have been a part of.

It was decided immediately that one should eat a girl. I think the joke was because it would be gay to have a guy in your mouth but the truth is that girls generally have a better fat-to-muscle ratio. You don,t want to eat somebody who looks like me - an emaciated, hairy, ghoulish idiot. For one thing, there would hardly be any meat. Secondly, it would smell like burnt hair. It would be a mess. Realizing this put all of my fears of being eaten to rest.

Toro Y Moi - Causers Of This
We decided that the best type of girl to eat would be one of the girls that was on the basketball team. Those girls were constantly moving, constantly building muscle, and many of them were kind of overweight. Maybe they used to be trim but they got dumped by their boyfriend and sort of let themselves go. Whatever the reason, they had now become the apple in the pig,s mouth of my eye. Those were the ones we thought would make the best meal.

The reason we decided that chubby girls would be the best is because of what we knew about beef. People say that the more fat that is spread throughout the meat, the more tender and flavorful it will be. This is known as marbling and we figured that it was probably the same for high school girls. All of this is going to be submitted as evidence in court when I finally get in trouble for doing something bad. I,m writing my own prison sentence.

I think by the time we picked out two or three specific girls who we would eat, class was about to end and we had not listened to anything the tiny Asian teacher had said and we had not done any work. It was probably for the best that we stopped talking about it though because we are gross and shouldn,t be allowed to express that openly around other minors. 

Sewing Lessons

The other night I went to a very cold punker show. I didn,t really watch or listen to any of the bands. I don,t like that kind of music or any music. I mostly stood outside in the dirt and felt how cold it was. In that respect, it was a pretty successful show.

I didn,t have to spend any money, which was nice. I did, however, end up smelling like a toad because I sat on an outdoor couch for a little while. I was stained with toad-stink. Luckily, I get to wash all of my clothes for free at my work. Unluckily, I got a very nice haircut the other night and put all of my hairy clothes in the washing machine with the rest of my clothes and now everything is hairy. The shirt I,m wearing right now feels like there are twenty tiny needs gently bothering my back. My jacket doesn,t smell anymore though. I would say it,s a fair trade.

Jensen Sportag - Pure Wet EP
Before the show started, a few people were standing outside in the dirt with me. A strange dog ran from the shadows and grabbed the shoe off of a weird girl,s foot. We all laughed at her misfortune as the dog would bring it near her and then run away. Nobody did anything to help except for a fat kid who was probably trying to impress her. She had stretched ears and a dumb hat on and he seemed like the kind of guy to like that sort of thing. She eventually got her disgusting dog mouth covered shoe back. It was sort of like that children,s story about the shoe. I really can,t remember what it,s called. Was Cinderella the one with the shoe and the guy has to find the foot that fits it? The internet says yes.

This shirt didn,t look like it had that many hairs on it when I put it on. I figured I could just shake it out a few times and be free of them. I was wrong. It took a few hours for them to kick in. That,s the real trick. If I would have felt them right away I could have put on a less hairy shirt. All of my shirts are hairy but to different degrees. The one I am wearing right now is ,,sort of,, hairy.