In My Face

Each morning when I wake up, I don,t know what day it is. If I wake up late, I am terrified that I am missing work. If I wake up early, I am angry that I got up early even though I don,t have to work. My brain is falling apart and I don,t know what to do about it. I tried using a new pillow to see if that would make my brain more comfortable while I sleep and therefore less stupid, but it,s only been one night so I can,t tell. The pillow is huge though. It,s so full. I like how hard it is, but there is too much of it. I,m going to have to look up some pillow mods.

I think the main reason I never know what day it is anymore is because I keep having to go into work on my scheduled days off. Last week I got called in twice. That was insane. One of the calls was at six forty-five in the morning which is fifteen minutes before the shift starts. It was raining and I smelled like farts and gasoline because I didn,t have time to shower.

Gavin Bryars - Hommages I really need a haircut. Maybe that has something to do with my lack of understanding when it comes to time, but I doubt it. I just know that I look like a stupid twelve year old and my head is twice the size that it should be with all of my disgusting, frizzy hair all over it. I,ve been thinking about cutting it myself. I haven,t paid to have it cut in ten or fifteen years and I don,t really want to start now. It would be too difficult to explain to some guy holding scissors that I want him to cut everything short while still covering up my receding hairline. I don't think he would know what I meant if I asked him to make me look like a gay German cop. Only I know what that means.

I,m sure I would be able to cut the top and front and maybe even most of the sides, but the back would be really difficult. It,s not because I wouldn,t be able to see. I would. I have two mirrors and I,m pretty good and turning and twisting. The difficult part is understanding that I would be looking at a reflection of a reflection and trying to remember if left means left and right means right when it,s being reflected that many times. That,s the challenge. The other challegne is trying to remember what day it is.