New Show

I have eaten so much soup in the last few days. I,ve had it for every meal. My turds are liquid. My pee is liquid too. I,ve been sick this week so I,ve been filling my body with liquids. That,s the worst part about being sick - having to drink a ton of water and pee all the time. I have always heard that you,re supposed to drown your sickness with water so I always drink a lot when I,m sick. I don,t know if it makes me feel any better, but it makes me feel more annoyed because I have to pee every eight minutes.

Somebody stole my bike the other day. That was annoying. Luckily, the weather finally got nice so it means that I won,t be riding my bike for several months. I like to enjoy the nice, cool weather from the comforts of my car. I don,t like feeling the weather on my face. I want to know what it looks like, but have to imagine what it would feel like to be in it. I,m a modern man, not a heathen. 

Bing & Ruth - Tomorrow Was The Golden Age

I think I,m almost done being sick so I,ve stopped drinking so much water. Hopefully it,s not the eye of the storm. I,m much too much of a weak baby to put up with any more sniffling. I hate the sound of people sniffling and when I have to do it myself it,s a million times louder because my nose is only two inches away from my ears. Each wet sniff sounds like a shotgun blast. Each throatful of mucus that I swallow sounds like a family of hogs being thrown into a breaking wood chipper. My body is an orchestra of horrible sounds. 

Back Pain

What is up with me going to shows all of the sudden? I don,t like it. I don,t like being at shows and I don,t like paying for them or driving to them or staying up super late. I don,t what what my problem is, but I definitely have one.

I went to a show the other night in a giant, palatial building that was filled with middle aged white guys who wore ugly hats. I had been to the building before, but it was very different this time. Instead of being a big, pretty, open room, it was filled with tables and chairs. Everybody was sitting down and eating thirty dollar steak dinners with garlic French fries and eleven dollar drinks. It was so bizarre and great.

Warthog - Prison EP I didn,t get pushed or bumped into or yelled at all night. I loved it. Everybody was so old and rich. They were so old and rich that I was the only person who stood up and moved to the front when the good band started playing. It clearly bummed the band that only one person was within twenty feet of them so after the first song, they said that it was alright if people wanted to move closer. Most of the millionaires scoffed, but a handful of people wiped the onion gravy from their jowls and stepped forward. They didn,t stay standing, though. They lowered their great, heavy bodies to the floor and tried as hard as they could not to fall asleep in the dark, warm room.

It was pretty much a perfect audience. They were quiet and there was only one weirdo doing strange uncle dances. He sucked and so did the lady who sat next to me when I first arrived who wouldn,t stop talking to her friends about her kids, Zephyr and Indigo. I feel so bad for those kids, but I feel even worse for me because I had to hear her talk about them. Everybody else was alright. I can always appreciate a group of wealthy white people who love shoveling beef into their failing bodies.

Too Full

I went to a big, gross music festival the other day. It was big and gross. There were four inches of finely powdered dirt all over the ground which was immediately kicked up into a swirling hurricane of allergies and brown snot. It was not a great place to be. The only reason I was there was because my work offered me free passes and I instinctively said I wanted them because I like free things that are worth a lot of money even if I don,t like the actual things.

The worst part, other than the subpar performances and having my lungs filled with filthy dirt was that one hundred percent of the festival goers were the exact type of people who made fun of me in high school. I was surrounded by brightly colored tank tops, backwards hats, bulging muscles, really bad facial hair, and an overwhelming stink that was a perfect mixture of caramel corn and old weed. It was like if a high schooler hot boxed one of those carts in the mall that sells flavored corns. It was awful.

Sam Amidon - Lily-O Both of the bands I watched the first night were not very good live. One of them was whatever and the other was bad. The bad one sounded fine, but the people in it were so ugly. One of them looked like a young Matt Dillon and the other looked like greasy Matt Jones. I didn,t know who Matt Jones was until I watched them play and was immediately reminded of some weird looking actor I had seen before. That,s Matt Jones, claim to fame - I thought of him when I saw a weird looking guy.

I went back for a little while the next day and it was so hot that I looked like I had peed my butt within ten minutes of getting there. My entire shirt was soaked with my disgusting body juices and my butt looked like I had sat in a deep, terrible puddle. That was the highlight.