Practicing

I have to work for fifteen hours today. I just got back from the bay. It was gross. One of the trains I took smelled like a forgetful teenager,s hamster cage. I need to take a shower. My apartment was supposed to have the water shut off for the past two days, but it wasn,t. That worries me. Now it,s probably going to shut off when I,m not ready for it and I,ll die.

I prepared so thoroughly for the water to be shut off. I filled a pot with water so I could boil things at a moment,s notice. I made sure I had extra bottles full. I practiced pooping in a diaper so I would be used to it. It was all for nothing, though. Now they,re just going to leave me without precious fluids some day when I,m not expecting it and it will be a disaster. I,m going to end up pooping in the bathtub and trying to mush it down the drain with my heel. 

Tangled Hair - Apples There were way too many people in the bay. Everybody should start killing their firstborns. I didn,t hear as much blaring music from cell phones as I thought I would. There was one dude who was blasting boring rap music, but the real star was some middle age lady who was showing her friend videos that were extremely loud and distorted. I don,t know if it was music or cars crashing, but it sounded like somebody was smashing corrugated metal with a bat while two giant circular saws cut into each other. It was wild and I loved it and I hated it. 

I had to go down there for a work meeting and it took eight hours and now I,m at work for another six hours. It,s crazy. I feel weak and sick and gross and tired. I always feel all of those things, but I don,t like having a legitimate reason for it. I did get a crazy expensive meal out of today, though. I had some fancy noodles with fancy mushrooms. The mushrooms were a bit too fancy for me. I mean, there were way too many mushrooms. Maybe I,m high and that,s why I feel weird. I think normal mushrooms can get you high if you eat fifty of them. 

Neat And Tidy

I have been teetering on the verge of being sick for a week now. I kind of love it. I love the word ,,teetering,, and I like waking up every morning and not feeling that well and thinking that I,m definitely going to be sick, but then I feel fine by the time I have breakfast. I,m worried that I might actually finally get sick today, though. I,ve been up for hours and head still feels like wet socks and my taste buds are all wrong.

It,s probably happening because my body got used to consuming one million percent of my daily recommended vitamin C each day when I was gobbling mandarins for the past two months. Now that I am only getting a human amount of vitamin C, my body is revolting. There is a mutiny in my guts. My body is going to walk me off the plank. I can,t wait.

B.Lewis - Plug EP It,s supposed to be cold and gross out because it,s winter, but I just went to the store and now I,m sweating because the weather is broken and it,s ninety degrees outside or something. Thanks, Obama. You and your leftist henchmen have made global warming real with your weather machines just so you can redistribute wealth to poor farmers or something. I,m not sure how politics work, but I am positive that it,s Obama,s fault.

Fruit Colors

I,m down to my last bag of mandarins. The season was over. It was a good season, but I felt like I didn,t take full advantage of it. After I finish this bag, I will only have eaten sixty pounds in two months. That,s not nearly enough. I still have working taste buds. My lips and fingers still resemble human body parts. My teeth don,t look like mint flavored Tic Tacs. I haven,t reached my full potential.

Mandarins are more expensive now than they have ever been. I spent a lot of money on those beautiful, orange spheres. I,ve been spending too much money lately. My job gave me money for Christmas and I guess I,m trying to waste it as hard as possible. I,ve been buying expensive things that I don,t need and hardly want. I feel like a real grownup.

Sean McCann - Fountains I rationalize it by telling myself, ,,It,s alright. It,s free money. I didn,t earn it. It was a gift.,, That somehow makes me feel better. I can,t wait until I get to the point where I,m telling myself that all of my money is free money and I become addicted to gambling and exotic, imported sodas. That,s the dream.

I,m earning my money right now, though. It is certainly not free. I am at work and there is a two year old with a voice so loud that it should be illegal. It is so early in the morning and that kid is so repetitive and obnoxious. Nobody wants to hear you smash a giant, plastic truck on the hardwood floor for twenty minutes at eight in the morning. Go back to sleep for fifteen years, you horrible beast of burden.

Keeping The Car On

I went to a weird show the other night. The show itself wasn,t that weird, but a lot of the people there were very weird. They all liked the internet so much. Everybody only looked at their phones the whole time. They only talked about the internet. Everybody huddled around some girl who was emitting free Wi-Fi as if they were freezing pioneers and she was the last ember of a dying fire. It was very bizarre.

Everybody there looked like somebody else. One guy looked like a friend of mine. One girl looked like Sarah Silverman,s outside voice. Another girl looked like a Peanuts character that came to life. Another guy looked a bag of trash. It was wild. They were all talking so loudly during the performances. They paid money to yell at each other.

Emily Reo - Olive Juice They all loved the internet so much that by the end of the night, they weren,t speaking English anymore. They were only using E-slang and abbreviations. It was almost impossible for me to interpret any of it. Some of them were only saying ones and zeros. Somebody injected me with a virus on the way out. The stairs smelled like urine-soaked cats exploded in there. Everything was sticky.