One Of The First Days Of Wintear

My work had a party the other night. I went to it. That was weird. The party itself wasn,t weird, but it as very weird that I went to it. People kept saying, ,,Whoa, you showed up,,, when they,d see me. I don,t even know anybody I work with, but they somehow all knew that I am not the type of nerd who goes to office holiday parties.

Everything was free there, but the things they had available were not that good. I ate almost ten grapes. That was the best food. I also had a quarter of a sandwich. It was the most embarrassing sandwich I have ever eaten. It was a broccolini sandwich. It was soggy, green florets with some sort of unimpressive sauce on a very mushy Kaiser roll.

There were several other foods that I didn,t eat. There were shot glasses full of cold chili. There were piles of wet salad. There were sandwiches filled with pureed cat food. There were cubes with toothpicks in them. The lights were very dim in an attempt to minimize how gross everything looked. The water was good, though. I had a whole glass of it before sneaking out and leaving without saying goodbye to anybody.

Toro Y Moi - My Touch Now I,m sick. I don,t blame the party, though. I started being sick a few hours before that. I think I was sick last Christmas. Let me check. I bet if I was, I would have written about it on here because that,s what I use this for - a chronological log of my ailments.

Maybe I wasn,t sick. I don,t see any mention of it last December. I,ll definitely get to make up for it this year. My throat feels like I pulled a muscle in it somehow. It is a very weird pain. Swallowing takes a lot of effort. Luckily, this is the time of year when people make a ton of food and if you don,t eat it, you,re rude and they hate you. Also, I am going to be on a plane for thirty hours tomorrow. I hope the diarrhea kicks in when I,m way up high. ,Tis the season.

An Awful Lot

I just found out that ,,Christmastime,, is a real word. That seems weird, but I,m alright with it because Christmas is cool and so is the time when it exists. It,s a good time because the weather is usually good. There was supposed to be a terrible storm here this week, but that didn,t happen. It just rained for two days. Everybody was saying that it was going to be a massacre. There were even people holding candlelight vigils on the side of the highway preemptively.  They were preparing for those whose lives the storm would claim. Those fools.

Nobody died. That,s probably not true. I bet at least one person died during those two days, but it probably was from something completely unrelated to rain. I bet somebody died from being really old. That happens pretty regularly. That,s what this holiday season is about - honoring your fallen elders. They fought for your right to unwrap presents early in the morning.

Oceaán - Oceaán EP I,m going to be very far away from home on Christmas. That,ll be weird, but not that weird. It,ll only be a little weird. The weirdest part is that I will be somewhere really hot. I,m not looking forward to that. I,m also not looking forward to having to abandon my newly formed Christmas tradition of sitting alone in my apartment all day and watching a movie that is so sad that my shirt becomes encrusted with the salt of one hundred tears. I don,t like abandoning fun traditions like that.

I recently learned about bags. I have always wrapped presents the normal way - making sure that I only buy perfectly rectangular gifts and covering them in brightly colored paper. This year has been different, though. I realized that you can put things in bags made out of brightly colored paper and people will still think that you wrapped their gift. It,s completely socially acceptable. I can,t believe I have been missing out on this lazy man,s dream for so long. I will put everything in a bag from now on.

Doing It Wrong

I spent this weekend recording a weird song with my Death Cab For Cutie cover band. Obviously, it was a cover. It was so nice to record a song that we didn,t write. We were so relaxed about everything. We didn,t care about how badly we were playing. Usually, when we are recording our own songs, we get bummed because we can,t play them the way we should be able to. It makes us sad. With this one though, it didn,t matter at all. We weren,t able to play it well and none of cared. That,s the dream - not caring.

We worked on it all day Saturday. We had the television on the whole time with the Kardashian show playing. I know that there is a show called ,,Keeping Up With The Kardashians,, but I don,t think that was it. They were all locked on a beautiful, cold island or something. I couldn,t really tell. I have never seen the show before and the sound was off so I had to do a lot of guesswork, but I enjoyed the show a lot.

Lorenz Rhode - Shake It My dumb keyboard broke today. That was annoying. It still works fine, but there is a little rectangle that shows you numbers that mean important things and now it is constantly changing numbers really rapidly. I think it,s haunted. I hope it,s not because I clearly remember the guy saying that the warranty didn,t cover anything spiritual. Maybe it,s a sign that I should stop playing music. I,m going to assume that,s what it is.