No Tomatoes

This month is almost over. That,s good. I am not usually one to want time to go by faster, and that is not what I am really saying about dumb August, but it,ll be nice to out of it and into September because August is usually the hottest time of the year and September is usually not the hottest time of the year. Also, there is some cool stuff happening next month that isn,t happening this month so that,s nice too.

I don,t know what has been going on, but I have been hurting myself really badly in my sleep lately. For a really long time, I would bite my tongue and cheeks in my sleep and that was terrible. Luckily, I stopped doing that about six months ago. Not luckily, that activity has recently been replaced with me hurting my back and/or neck in my sleep. I have no idea how I do it. I haven,t been sleeping in any unusual positions, but a few times in the past month, I have woken up in unyielding pain. I woke up this morning gasping for air because my neck hurt so badly. It still hurts. I,m going to die.

A. G. Cook - Nu Jack Swung I went to a job interview the other day in a windowless box. It was so bleak. Everybody there was wearing pajamas and looked like they had only eat ham for the past two years. The guy who interviewed me chewed on a toothpick the whole time and his smudged, ugly throat tattoos looked cryptically racist. It was a very standard job interview experience.

Going to job interviews reminds me of look for apartments. It,s so lonely and it is an overwhelming let down almost one hundred percent of the time. You look at pictures of dirty, empty rooms on the internet in neighborhoods where you don,t want to live and the rent is way too high and the walls are painted cinder blocks and the stove only has one burner. The light in the pictures is cold and bluish-green. You can see two dead spiders in the bathtub.

I am so glad that I live in a rad, clean box and work in a nice, clean box. I am satisfied with my boxes and I am thankful. I am thankful that I don,t have to wear pajamas and eat ham every day as part of a job. I,m thankful that I have running water that isn,t brown.

Twice In One Day

My Death Cab For Cutie cover band played a show with another Death Cab For Cutie cover band last night. That was embarrassing. We covered all of the same songs. Luckily, nobody was there watching us so it wasn,t a big deal. There was nobody to notice how bad of a job we did. That was a nice bonus. It was just a really bad band practice that we got paid twelve dollars to do.

I still need to get a new television. Mine is still acting very racist even though I took it apart and pushed on some stuff like you,re supposed to do when something breaks. That,ll be a nice two hundred dollars to spend that I don,t have. Hopefully I,ll start making a little bit more money. I doubt it, but I always like to hope for ridiculous things.

Adult Jazz - Gist Is I got another ,,job.,, I,m still in the unpaid training process where I have to read stuff about grocery shopping that seems like it was written for fifth graders. The job is shopping for groceries for people and delivering it to their homes. I,m glad I have a bachelor,s degree. It,s all paying off big time.

Someday I,ll get a real job, but for now I,ll continue answering phones and talking to idiots and going to the store for people who are too lazy and rich to do it themselves. I haven,t even had to go to the store yet. I wonder how stupid this job is going to be. I told the interviewer that I love grocery shopping, but I don,t really. I,m going to quit the first day because I won,t be able to find the figs.

Hot Plastic

I think my television is broken. I have to run some more tests to be totally sure, but I think it,s broken for good. It still turns on and everything, but any dark colors turn into weird cubes. My TV is racist now and refuses to let anything that isn,t white show its full potential. I wish my things would stop breaking and/or being racist.

When I got back from my punishment trip, I found a bunch of mail piled on my front step. One mail was for me, but the big tube mail was definitely not for me. It,s addressed to my apartment, but not my name. It,s a very big tube so I can,t just throw it back in a mailbox and expect it to go away. I don,t know what to do with it. I already have more than enough tubes. I have too many tubes. I don,t want another.

Michael Cera - True That The best part about that trip I took last week was that I bought a shirt in a thrift store hundreds of miles away from my home that says, ,,Powell Family Reunion 2012,, and has a weird picture of some creature barbecuing meat for a smaller creature on it. It,s great. The picture reminds me of Ping Pong von Laserstein if he were into grilling meat.

Now that I,m back, I have to get a job. I mean, I don,t have to, but I should if I know what,s good for me and I do know what,s good for me because I,m smart. There is one job that is almost always available near me. I can get paid minimum wage to sit in a box with a bunch of morons and call other morons and ask their opinions about things. It sounds soul crushing, but it would mean that I wouldn,t have to waste my life savings on rent each month. I could also take longer showers and use the oven sometimes.

Still Thinking

I can,t believe how full I am. I am out of food right now and I,m out of food  stamps until tonight at midnight, but last night I took my last remaining morsels and baked a big pile of macaroni and cheese. It was good, but I didn,t have regular milk so I had to use soy milk which made it kind of sweet. That was weird, but I evened it out by putting a ton of that salt from Red Robin on there. I ate the leftovers for lunch today and I still feel like my innards are going to rupture.

I,m leaving for a little trip tomorrow. My Death Cab For Cutie cover band and I are going to drive around in the overwhelming heat and spend a bunch of money and play annoying music in empty rooms for a few days. We,re just trying to atone for our sins, you know? This will be a good punishment for our wrongdoings and then we,ll get to be horrible people for a few more months before doing it again to wipe our slates clean.

Hank Wood & The Hammerheads - Stay Home I have gotten into a really great napping schedule lately and I think this trip is going to totally throw it off. That will be my biggest punishment. I have worked so hard to get my napping into a comfortable groove. It takes a lot of effort to ruin your body,s natural sleeping patterns and mold your own. Now all of that will be lost. If that,s not the purest form of self-flagellation, I don,t know what is.