Ice Shaver

I hurt my back the other day. I was lifting fabric. That,s how weak I am. I was lifting a few sheets of fabric in a basket and now my back won,t work and I am probably going to die from it. It,s actually not that bad anymore, but my mouth is making up for it. I was eating dinner a few nights ago and bit my lip. That sounds dumb, but that,s true. There is no cool way to describe a lip bite. I bit it hard and now one side of my mouth is swollen and tender and surely infected with horrible germs.

It makes my entire lips weird. I wake up and they,re all sticky and gross. They,re usually gross, but they,re hardly ever sticky. I don,t know what to do about it. I have been holding hydrogen peroxide in my mouth for minutes at a time, but now my tongue is starting to burn when I do that. That probably means that my tongue is ruined and I won,t be able to taste anything for much longer.

Charles Ives - Ives Plays Ives I,ve heard that people kill themselves when they can,t taste things. I,m not going to kill myself. I,m going to use my new ailment as a superpower. I am going to eat trash and peppers and win gross food contests. That will be how I make my money. I,ll probably get a show on The Food Network where contestants come up with disgusting, inedible things for me to pile in my face. Each episode will come end with a close up on my horrible, sweaty face. I,ll be crying and shoving used coffee filters into my bleeding mouth.

Pick Up

I can,t park in front of my apartment for the next ten days because there is a crew of rowdy gentleman who are tearing up the sidewalk with huge, terrifying machines. They seem nice. I overheard one of them say to another one, ,,You look stronger each new time I see you.,, I thought that was nice. They are very noisy, though. Well, they,re not that noisy, but their work is. They grind and blast and dig the earth. The earth is really tough right there. It,s made out of concrete.

It,s so loud that I have to keep my front door shut or I have to scream if I want to speak to anybody. I don,t like screaming that much. Speaking of screaming, my loud neighbors upstairs are getting in trouble, I think. I told on them for being insanely loud all the time and the person I tattled to said that they might be getting in real trouble. I guess that,s fine. They will be quiet, but they will be replaced by the sounds of short men piercing the earth,s crust with giant mechanized hammers. You win some, you lose some.

Downstaaiirs - Weeping / Creeping I,m at work right now and I shouldn,t be, but a bunch of weird things happened and now I,m here. At first I thought it was a good idea, but I don,t anymore because somebody keeps breathing really loudly and rhythmically and I tried to open a drawer and it was stuck and one of my fingernails got caught on it and almost ripped off. That is a huge exaggeration.

There is a guy here from Wales and he speaks English. English is definitely his first language, but his accent is so thick and insane that I can barely understand him. I am way too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself because he is speaking English and I,m supposed to be able to understand that. That is the the only language I know. This means that I just have to focus extremely hard on what he is saying and try to slow it down in my brain and give my best guess and respond with very vague answers. It has worked so far so I think I am going to adopt this method for interacting with everybody.

Consideration

I went to a bizarre adult party the other day for a little while. It was not good. I have never been to a party like that. I have been to different adult parties where I feel like I am the youngest person there because everybody is way older than I am, but this one was different. The normal adult parties have old people listening to blues and talking about insurance and drinking expensive clear alcohol. This adult party was full of  ugly people in their thirties who were all smoking weed and playing dominoes. It was kind of like a high school party but worse and sadder because these were grown ups with more experience than seventeen year olds.

Everybody was yelling and cussing and saying things that they thought were funny but were not funny. They were playing Snoop Dogg,s reggae album that I didn,t know anybody in the world owned. They were drinking cheap beers. They were uninteresting. The only real difference was that instead of only having chips and salsa available (they did have chips and salsa) they friend fatty ground beef and put it into greasy tortilla shells with room temperature shredded cheese blends and tomato chunks. That was the upgrade. That was the thing that set them apart from people who had not yet graduated high school.

Efterklang - Tripper Another thing that was very reminiscent of high school parties was a near-constant bombardment of questions like - Are you okay? Do you want some chips? You know that there are chips over there, right? Do you want something to drink? Do you want a soda? Do you want some ground beef?

I understand and appreciate the hospitable gesture, but one question is enough. I know where the food and drinks are. I,m not as stupid as I seem. Actually, I seemed and probably was very stupid because I went to an adult party where mothers were smoking weed and neglecting their children. I hated it and I am terrified to know now for certain that there are people whose brains never grow up even though their disgusting bodies are decaying.

Forget It

I feel excited. When you move out of a place, the landlord only has twenty-one days to give you back the part of your security deposit that they don,t end up using to clean all of the dirt you left. If they don,t give it to you within that time, they have to give you the whole deposit back. If my math is correct, my dumb landlord only has one more day to get mine to me.

That will be so cool if I get all of it back. I,ll use that extra money to buy a ton of Mountain Splash flavored Capri Suns. That is the only good flavor and it,s only a good flavor if it,s frozen. When you freeze them, they stop tasting like hummingbird food and start tasting like slightly sweet ice. That,s the best. It,s the ultimate popsicle.

William Basinski - The Disintegration Loops It takes a really long time to freeze them, but it,s totally worth it. At my old place, I used to be able to freeze them and then smash them into manageable pieces on the floor. The floor at my new place is way too loud for that so I have to hit them with a hammer which adds an extra element of stupidity and insanity to the whole process. It makes them taste a tiny bit better, but it makes me feel like a maniac. What if somebody saw me hitting a juice bag?

I have been eating so many frozen Capri Suns lately. It,s been super hot and it,s supposed to be one hundred fifty degrees this weekend. I need that deposit money so I can stock up before I die. I don,t have room in my freezer right now, though. I put my shoes in there because I heard that doing that makes them smell better. My shoes didn,t smell bad, but I thought that if the smell couldn,t be improved because it was already good, maybe it would make them look better or last longer or something. I am going to eat frozen juice pieces out of my shoes.