Tons Of Covers

I almost wasted so much money the other day. I'm trying to save some because all I ever do is break computers and buy new ones so it,s about time I do that again. I was going to get some dumb keyboard that I would never use. It was on Eggslist and it was a good deal so I figured that when I realized that I don,t know how to play any instruments I could just sell it to some white kid that wants to make rap music beats.

I drove way too far and got lost a million times and had a bad attitude by the time I got to the guy's house who was selling it. He was this fat pig with a pubic beard dangling off of his chin and an armband of pot leaves and red flowers tattooed on him. He said his name was Robzilla. At first he didn,t want me to go inside so he brought it outside to show me it worked. Of course it didn,t work at all so we eventually went inside to try and figure out why.

Things got weird for a minute and I thought I was about to get rape-killed. The house was almost completely empty except for two malnourished dogs screaming in a tiny cage in the kitchen. Everything smelled like weed. We went back to his bedroom and some girl was in there. Before I went in he told me to wait a second and I heard him tell her to put some underwear on. She was a potbellied stick of a creature.

Mirah - The Old Days Feeling
He couldn,t find whatever imaginary component he was looking for in his room so he went some place else to try and invent it. She stayed in there with me. Her glistening, pockmarked face looking all the more ghastly in the light from the screensaver of pictures of Ibanez guitars. On a desk was a soiled, makeshift bong and a blown glass pipe featuring a twisted colorful design. The walls were lime green and bare with the exception of two wooden ghosts and a very large Bob Marley poster. She had been watching ghost hunters before I came in.

While Robzilla rummaged elsewhere, the skinny, acne-faced woman kept whispering to me that he was going to kill her for losing whatever he was looking for. She kept saying it over and over. She,s probably long dead by now.

He finally came back and smoked weed in front of me and kept trying to prove to me that the keyboard worked. It didn,t. Some more weird stuff happened involving him sweating all over inside my car and stinking it up and yelling at a guy working at RadioShack.

Heavy

I swept my kitchen today because it was gross. There were so many dead bugs and leaves and pieces of food and skin and hair. My apartment is horrible. The other night I realized that the small flies that I had been eating for the past few days were living in the garbage can so I just threw the trash bag outside. The flies didn,t want to hang out in the bag when I did that so they just swarmed about the house, smashing into my face and trying to get to my brain through my tear ducts. I set out a small bowl of red wine vinegar to entice and destroy them but only one committed suicide in it.

Today I went and bought fly paper to kill them but they were already dead. I went to the dollar store to get it. It,s horrible. That,s where I buy my mouthwash though. None of the food looked good so I bought some rope and a fork and spoon. Everything there was torn out of the packaging already. They had binoculars that made things look smaller. There was an old black woman yelling into her phone. It was a very standard experience.

Squarepusher - Shobaleader One: d,Demonstrator
Whenever I go to an awful store like that I want to wash my hands so bad once I get outside. Everything feels chalky and looks like it has been kept in an Egyptian bunker for several years. I,m going to start grocery shopping at American Eagle Outfitters. Nothing feels chalky there and they have music playing really, really loud there. Loudly.

I wrote this blawg entry about sweeping.

Quiet Songs And Louder Songs

So that dot in my eye is there to stay. At least that,s what the Asian optometrist told me today. She said she has one too but her,s is a ribbon instead of a dot. I didn,t care. She poured some piss in my eyes and I kept laughing. She then tried to poke my eye with a weird, blue, light-wand but I wouldn,t let her. I had to read really small letters and I know I got some wrong but she just kept saying, ,,Good!,, after everything. Do they teach you to say that all the time in optometrist school? She went to school in Massachusetts. I know that because she stepped out at one point and I immediately inspected her credentials she had nailed to the wall hoping that she would be some scam artist trying to steal my ten dollars and blind me. No such luck

I don,t know how to spell Massachusetts. I always spell it Massachusettes, like cigarettes. That,s probably because cigarettes were invented there. Sometimes when I am actually writing, you know, on paper, I spell ,,with,, withe. I,ll never figure that one out. Apparently withe is a real word. It means a tough but supple twig. Looks like my peepee just got a new name. Baby Withe at your service.

Zach Hill - Face Tat
I can,t imagine ever having a reason to call my horrible wiener anything. I try to have as little to do with it as possible. Most of the time, when I,m peeing at my house, I flush the toilet before I,m finished and try to blast out the last bit of it before the water is all gone. I wish that were a sport. No, I wish that were something that people bet on. Like televised piss versus toilet flush matches playing in casinos. Whenever I start up Small Pox Blanket Indian Casino that,ll be one of the games.

My head has hurt all day. I think I,m sick but it might be from the poison that the Asian lady put in my eyes. One of my pupils was way bigger than the other which means she also gave me a concussion. She did give me a neat gift when I left though. It was pair of sunglasses that roll up and fit into a paper tube. They,re called ROLLenses. They,re pretty great and I,m saving them for a special occasion.

Bad Dreams

I have had a little black dot in my eye for way too long now. It,s like one of those normal dots that you see every so often. You know, the kind you can,t look directly at because it,ll just move away. It,s blurry and small and most of the time I don,t notice it but if I try and read or look at anything white it gets noticeable. And I,m going to kill myself if it doesn,t go away.

I hate it so much, I actually did something pseudo-adult and made an appointment at some vision place. I get to do that for almost free because my work said I could and then gave me a piece of paper saying I could. I got the number to the eye place online and it listed all of the languages that were spoken in the office. Apparently the people that work there speak Chinese, Mandarin, Taiwanese, and some asshole fake language called Fukienese. English isn,t listed so I think it,ll be a strange experience.

Richard Thomas - Soggy Martyrs
I told them on the phone that it had been at least ten years since my last eye exam but I have probably never had one. I was just embarrassed to tell them that. I don,t know why I was. It,s not like a dentist where if you say you haven,t been in 4 years they get mad and your teeth look like half melted Flintsones chewable vitamins. My eyes aren't dirty or anything, I just can't get rid of this weird black spot.

I tried splashing water in there. I tried touching my eye with my finger but that just hurt because I had recently finished eating pizza and my hands were all salty and delicious. I tried rolling my eyes in the back of my head to push it back there with my brain but it only made it angrier. I don,t know what to do. If the Fukienese doctor can,t fix it I,m going to have to get the whole eye removed. Then I can be like the bad guy in that movie ,,Last Action Hero,, and have a glass eye but sometimes I'll put a small bomb in my eye and leave it for the police to discover in the apartment and it,ll blow them up.