It Is Getting Old

The moon was weird that other night. That was kind of cool. It looked like it was sick or dying. Is the moon dying? I wonder how long it,s going to take before the moon gets sick of being constantly one upped by basically every other planet and star. Whenever that happens, things are going to get bad. Either the moon is going to smash into the earth or it,s going to go find some other planet to swirl around. Either way, there will be some serious consequences.

If it decides to smash into us, then we will all die. That one is pretty easy. That,s probably the simplest way for the moon to retaliate. It would most certainly by a Pyrrhic victory for the moon. There is no way it is making it out of there alive either.

William Basinski - The Deluge If the moon just decides to go to another less popular planet, then the ocean would explode or dry up or something. I,m not exactly sure what the moon does to water, but I think it,s something important. Does the moon create water? Is that was rain is, moon juice? I don,t know. I may have graduated college with honors, but I sure don,t know anything useful.

Cotton

That festival that my Death Cab For Cutie cover band played the other day was out of control. We played on such a huge, loud stage to so few people. Also, we did a pretty bad job. That was cool. At least nobody saw us. That,s not true. Six people watched us from the mud and several workers were required to be within earshot of us. I felt bad for them all.

Apparently, the festival wasn,t allowing anybody inside until we were almost finished playing. I understand where they were coming from. They wanted to protect the festival goers and spare them from our subpar performance. I think that,s commendable. They did the right thing.

Pole - Wald This meant we made noise for thirty minutes while looking at three of our friends who had somehow managed to sneak in and a large muddy field. They had sprayed some kind of semi-toxic liquid all over the ground right before we played. It was dark red and viscous. It may have been used motor oil. The fumes were severe and everybody in attendance complained of searing headaches and temporary blindness. I guess they did it to raise awareness or something.

After we played, I got to eat a bunch of weird hamburgers for free. I also got a haircut. There was a tent full of maniacs cutting people,s hair. I was sweating and encrusted with salt, but some nerd still managed to chop my hairs off. It was not a great experience. I think I,ll continue to mess up my own hair, thank you very much.

At The Same Time

I have to go to a big, filthy music festival this weekend. My Death Cab For Cutie cover band is playing. I wouldn,t be going otherwise. There is no way I,d pay one hundred dollars to be surrounded by loud people in t-shirts who I don,t like or respect. I wouldn,t even do that if it only cost ten dollars.

Luckily, it costs negative dollars. That means that we tricked those big wigs into giving us money to suffer in the dirt and heat for a day. What a bunch of generous fools. I can,t understand why they let us do this. There is no way we are going to make them any money. They,re losing a ton of money because of us.

DJ Richard - Grind Maybe they know that. Maybe that,s why they,re making us play at the absolute worst possible time. We play on a Sunday morning. Everybody is going to be in church while we play. It,ll be pretty bizarre to play on a weird stage during the day to nobody. We usually play in a small room at night to nobody. At least one of the three variables will be the same. That,ll make it a little more comfortable.

I,m most excited about getting free food there. I assume that there is going to be free food for bands. I imagine it as a sort of trough system. All the bands line up and feed from the trough or ,,long bucket,, as they call it. I can,t wait to sneeze on everything.

Extra Hair

This is a bizarre week. I just had to pay a bunch of weird bills all at once so I am completely out of money. That,s not that weird. That happens kind of regularly. What,s weird is that I didn,t work on Monday so I am constantly confused about what day, time, and month it is.

I have a carton of rotten eggs in my refrigerator and I almost ate all twelve of them last night because I didn,t know what month it was. I almost died. This is just one of the many, many times where my lack of knowledge has almost killed me. To be fair though, I think that is the only real cause of death. If you knew everything, you,d probably never die. If you knew everything, you,d probably want to die more than anybody else. That,s the trade off.

Giraffage - No Reason I haven,t been able to sleep recently. What a lie. I have been able to sleep, but not very well. It,s too hot and when it,s too hot, my brain juices boil and I can,t sleep because the juice fumes stink. I try to point a fan at my face to blow the stench away from me, and that kind of works, but I wake up shortly after falling asleep because the fan dries out the inside of my nose so much that my boogers turn into razor sharp crystals and cut my nostrils and blood gets everywhere. I,ve been sleeping in the bathtub because cleanup is easier that way.