The First Day Of Wintear

My room is such a hog,s nest right now. It would comfortably nest up to 4 hogs. Did I already talk about Christmas gifts? Probably. It doesn,t matter, nobody is reading this.

Every year I make a list of the people I am going to get gifts for. I did that this year and it was only seven or eight people. Most people are getting thoughtless gifts. That,s not true. I put thought into them but couldn,t think of anything good so they get gifts that don,t mean anything other than I,m bad at guessing what people might want for under ten dollars. I figure ten dollars is a pretty reasonable amount.

I never know what to get my dad. He,s fat so I always want to get him a cookbook or forks or something. I have gotten him knives, barbecue stuff, and cookbooks in the past. This year he is getting a mortar and pestle. I am getting him a completely outmoded kitchen appliance because that,s how much I love him. Is it bad to give him a movie that I have two copies of because I bought one a while ago but recently bought a box set of movies and it was in it? He probably wouldn,t even like it. That,s why I got him two rocks so he can smash seeds and herbs.

Lamborghini Crystal - Alien Microwave
I always want to get people movies or books because those are the only things I like. My sweet roommate got somebody gift cards so they can buy music online digitally. That is so bizarre to me. If somebody got me a gift card like that I would be excited and happy but I wouldn't know what to do with it. I would probably just leave it under our doormat because you can pick our lock with a plastic card and that would be convenient. I hope no robbers are reading this. Maybe I would just buy the same song over and over until it was out of money. It seems so strange to pay for music if you are not going to get anything physical.

I try not buy music unless I know the people selling it are poor and I really like them. I try as hard as I can to steal everything I listen to. I hope no police are reading this. I don,t want thieves or detectives to read anything I write.

I think the last music I bought, and was excited about, I have never listened to. I don,t like collecting vinyl at all because it sounds really bad and I have no way of hearing it but I bought a record about a year an a half ago for under five dollars because I really liked the cover. Isn,t that why people collect albums? The covers? As soon as I brought it home it went right into my closet in a box in the dark. I could have bought four boxes of macaroni and cheese with that money. But no, I am an idiot and wanted to seem cool in front of my friends. I bet they would have thought I was cooler if I would have offered to buy and prepare macaroni and cheese for them all.

Taking The Train

I once made dinner for somebody and they complained that the edges of the food were burnt from grilling them so they picked those parts off and didn,t eat them. That was pretty cool. I marinated stuff and toasted stuff and seasoned stuff and grilled stuff but a little bit of the corner of a bite was burnt so the whole meal was a waste. I like the burnt stuff. If I get toast at a restaurant (why would I get toast at a restaurant?) I ask for it ,,well done,,. Toast is pretty good though.

I remember when I was little, my cousin lived with me and used to eat toast all the time when he would come home from school. He was older and cooler than me so that,s probably why I like it. I just want to be like him. I don,t know what he,s up to now, I haven,t seen him in a long time.

Gil Trythall - Luxikon II - Echospace
I remember that he really liked bad rap music and then Japanese stuff and then nu metal and then weed and then I think he got really spiritual. That does seem like a pretty likely path for me to follow. I think I,m just past the nu metal part. I really liked that stuff when I was younger. I still like some of it. A friend of mine gave me a System of a Down CD when I was in seventh grade. That was pretty cool. I already had that CD so I returned it and got something else. I can,t remember what I got.

Some kid I knew in seventh grade stole or found a big binder of CDs and brought them to school and was giving them away. They were mostly punk records. I remember taking a live NOFX album. I didn,t really like it at the time. Oh well. Joke,s on me. I would have rather listened to Ludacris or Deftones or something. Remember how Deftones had those really rappy songs? That stuff sucked. Whatever. If I ran into any of those guys I would still probably act like the nervous little boy that I am. I wonder if I would ask them to sign anything. I would probably ask them to sign my boob like that girl in the Limp Bizkit video. I think that video was what spurred me on to try and become the rap-rocker that I am today. I just really like signing blonde girls, boobs. Slipknot.

Art Gallery

Last night my Death Cab For Cutie cover band played a show. We don,t really play shows very often because we are terrible, nobody wants to see us play, we are too lazy to practice, Kenny is a roofer, drugs, turmoil, Obama, etc. Normal ,,band stuff,,. I was rude enough to ask this other band if we could barge onto the show they had already set up at really short notice. They were way too nice and they let us play and we ruined everything because we aren,t good and Dick-String was really late because he is sick and had to play a different show with his real band. They just had stickers made.

People were acting pretty weird last night and doing things like listening to us a little and taking our free scratched blank compact discs that we leave unattended on a table. That stuff usually never happens. The biggest joke of the night is on any of the few people that took something of ours and didn,t throw it away. All of the dumb CDs come with a nifty little piece of dirty paper with this directions on how to get to Bline Zogazine scribbled on it. God forbid any poor kid looks at this thing. Jesus Christ. Sorry dude. I hope you stopped reading a while ago.

Motohiro Nakashima - We Hum On The Way Home
The original plan was to get into fights with all of the other bands because they are so nice. That didn,t really pan out that well because we only had so many free drink tickets and apparently the beer tasted like soap. I ate a little bit of pizza though. It wasn,t that good. It never is there. The crust tastes a lot like our bathmat probably does right now. We just had a big hole in our ceiling above our shower fixed and there is a bunch of something on the bathmat. I can,t think of the word. What do people put on ceilings when they fix a big hole? Glue? White glue? So the pizza crust tastes like wet feet and white putty glue and carpet. Not that great for a pizza. Not even really that great for a bathmat.

You know what kind of pizza I like? Good pizza. Delicious pizza. Pizza with cheese and other things. That is my kind of pizza. I like that pizza that comes with the little pepper on the side. That,s a good one. I don,t get that kind very often though because they aren,t close enough to me and there is no way I am paying some delivery jerk to drive nine minutes while listening to Lil Wayne.

If it were up to me, I would replace all delivery drivers with hogs. Drugged hogs waddling through the streets, smashing their fat guts into the sides of cars, defecating in a child,s stroller, eating rabbits, carrying our pizzas on their backs using some sort of harness system. They would be highly trained and de-toothed so they couldn,t bite people but could still catch and mash up the wild rabbits that are taking over this town. Pizzas would take days to get delivered rather than minutes. Hogs would be our country,s national heroes. They should really be taken more seriously when it comes to their potential as works beasts.

Second Thoughts

Today I was lying in bed being sad and sick and our neighbors upstairs were thrashing about as they normally do. They were walking/stomping around right above my closet and I could hear the metal track where the door slides open start to come apart. They create so much of a disturbance just by living that my room is starting to break. Pictures I have hanging up almost fall off of the wall when they breathe in too deeply.

We have a light in our kitchen/living room quadrant that rattles when they are near. It is sort of like that one scene in Steven Spielberg,s Jurassic Park with the cup of water but it,s not that bad. Maybe you could see ripples in a cup of water if they are walking around. I don,t know. I haven,t used a cup in a long time. I drink out of a smelly plastic bottle that I bought at Kmart a long time ago with the money I got from returning all the weird stuff my dad bought me for Christmas. Thanks dad. My dad is pretty nice though.

Aqueduct - Pistols At Dawn
I don,t know what to get anybody for Christmas. I just got paid and I figured I should buy people stuff this week since I have money. Maybe I will buy everybody the same thing. I did that last year. I bought a few people vacuums. They were a good deal. I got myself one too. It,s red and doesn,t work that well. The carpet is covered in dead leaves and bugs and hair.

Usually, when I get people gifts, I just get them things that I like. I,m very selfish. I mean, I,m very selfish when I get people gifts and when I am just hanging out doing normal stuff. I,ll probably just find the cheapest movie that I like on Amazon and buy ten copies of it and pass them out, unwrapped. The spirit of the season truly is in me.