Vacuuming

Meeting friends from the internet is so bizarre. I,ve done it a few times and it is never as comfortable as it should be. It doesn,t matter if you have been talking to them for years and you know a ton about them. It doesn,t matter if you,ve cybered with each other until the wee hours of the mornings. It,s always weird meeting them in person for the first time.

Their mouths always move differently than you thought they would. They have a slightly different voice. You finally get to see their mannerisms and weird hand movements that they use while they speak. You find out what their breath smells like. You,re supposed to find out all of that stuff when you first talk to somebody, not three months after you started talking to them. It,s too much superficial introductory information at once that late in the game.

William Basinski - Watermusic II I met somebody who I knew exclusively on the internet last night. It was weird and cool mixed. The cool part was that my friend was very nice. The weird part was that we hung out at a show and then went to eat with a bunch of people and I didn,t know anybody and I went to the bathroom and when I came back, everybody was gone.

That was crazy. I kind of liked it because it was so weird. I didn,t say anything when I got up to pee all over the sink in a public restroom so maybe they thought that I was just bailing without saying anything so they didn,t feel bad about leaving without saying anything. Maybe they just hated me and didn,t want to have to deal with me a second more. Either way, it was the right choice.

Hot Bunch

I just farted and my art smelled almost exactly like what I had for dinner last night. I had a very crazy dinner. I bought kale for the first time in my life because I guess I felt like pretending that I was an adult while I was shopping for food. That was dumb. At least it was cheap. I ate it all for dinner last night. It wasn,t very good.

I was not very hungry because I ate a big burrito for a late lunch. I stopped eating burritos for a while because I had three or four in one week and that seemed like a bad sign. Maybe it wasn,t. Maybe it was good for me. I don,t know. What I do know is that it scared me so I stopped eating them for a few weeks. That all changed yesterday, though. I broke the burrito fast and it was good.

The kale was not good. I baked it and tried to turn it into potato chips, but I forgot one very important thing. Potatoes are great and kale is not potatoes. I covered the crisped, dry leaf shards with salt and garlic and I guess that helped, but it was still very much a giant plate full of kale. That,s what my fart smelled like just now.

Cult Ritual - First LP I had a second interview for that job. The first interview was cool, but the second one was cooler. The second one was with the CEO of the company who was some mid thirties cool guy. He wasn,t a cool guy in the CEO sense. He wasn,t like the A&R guy that Wu-Tang Clan raps about who is a mountain climber who plays an electric guitar. He was actually cool. He was normal and kind of made fun of me. That,s how you know somebody is cool.

We talked about how I couldn,t speak Mandarin and how I didn,t have to dress like a nerd if I got the job there. The joke would be on him though because I almost always dress like a nerd. I think I only have one black shirt and I don,t even own a single black pair of pants.

Fixer

I,m having a sleepover party at my friend,s house because my landlord called me yesterday morning and told me that they were wrong about not having to work on the pipes in my apartment and that I had to get out of there right away and stay out of there for three days so a bunch of weird strangers can walk around in there and look at my stuff and give me a new toilet. It was pretty wild. I was specifically told that my apartment was the only apartment that didn,t need any serious work done. Then, with no notice or preparation, I had to take everything out of my bathroom and leave.

They wanted me to stay in a hotel of their choosing, but after reading a few reviews on the place that contained such red flags as ,,vomit,, ,,cockroaches,, ,,blood,, ,,putrid,, ,,aggressive homeless people,, and ,,incurable disease,, I decided it would be best to burden one of my sweet, hospitable friends and beg them to let me stay with them for a few days. Luckily, they obliged. 

Secret Mommy - Plays

I gathered my remaining clean underwear and tried to hide all of my most stealable stuff in my room and left. I,m most worried about my plants. Nobody is going to water my tender, young basil for a few days. I barely got any sleep last night because I was so worried about my sweet sprouts. I really hope they make it. I also really hope that the plumbers clean up after themselves. I trust that they will have to flush a test turd to see how the new tubes work. I took all of the toilet paper out of there so I don,t know what they,re going to do about that. I wish them luck. 

My friend,s house is crazy. It has central air and they blast it all the time. It,s amazing. I was almost cold last night with that thing blowing. It is a luxury that I will not soon forget. In an attempt to show my appreciation for their overwhelming kindness and hospitality and air conditioning, I took out some garbage and washed a dish or two and cleaned the stove. I feel like that was a good start, but there is still more to do. The next step in my thank you mission is to start slipping expensive vitamins into their food to make them stronger and healthier than ever before. After that, I will take a short trip into the future and bring back a list of winning lottery numbers. It is the least I can do. 

It Was Nice

I poached an egg for the first time in my life today. That was wild. Eggs are pretty gross, but I wanted to do it anyway. You need to learn about your enemy before you can destroy them. I don,t want to destroy eggs or anything, but I do think that they are stupid and smell bad. If the ratio of yolk to white was reversed, I would dislike them much less.

The poaching went well, though. The egg became poached so the mission was accomplished. I didn,t drop anything and I didn,t burn myself so the second mission was also accomplished and it was edible so even the third mission was accomplished. I had no idea that I had so many missions to accomplish when I woke up this morning.

Evenings - Yore The floor in my kitchen is kind of sticky because I haven,t properly cleaned it since a guy was in there the other day to fix a hole. I went to work last week and when I came back home, there was a rusty nail sticking through one of the tiles in my kitchen. It was crazy. It was so dangerous. It could have been more dangerous, though. It was sticking through the tile with the flat part up. If the pointy part were sticking through, I,m sure that I would have put my recent tetanus shot to good use.

I,ll feel stupid if I went through the trouble of getting a tetanus shot for nothing. I should step on something terrible. Do tetanus shots protect you against anything other than rusty nails? Maybe I heal really quickly since I got it so recently. That,s what happened to Wolverine from X-Men, I bet.