Awww

I just went on a trip to where Mormons live. That town sucks. That movie sucks too. Anything with Matthew Lillard in it sucks. That guy is forty years old now. Everything in that city looks way too big. The streets are too wide and the blocks are twice as big as they should be. It looks like the fourth world in Super Mario Brothers 3. I like that world for Mario but he,s a plumber and can handle that kind of stress. I,m just a frail boy with a Montgomery Burns-like body who can,t handle walking long distances or looking at big things. I got out of breath crossing the street there.

I spent most of my time there sleeping and the rest of the time I was in a horrible bus depot surrounded by human waste. There was one lady there who was talking really loudly into a headset on her phone. It wasn,t a Bluetooth headset though, it had a big, curly cord that went down to her belt where her phone was clipped. She was wearing a really short, black Harley Davidson tank top and her weird, slanted bellybutton kept winking at me.

Another inhabitant of the bog was some ponytailed guy who looked like his dad beat him because he thought he was gay in highschool so to compensate he got really good at sports and was really muscular but then his dad died and he sort of let himself go and gained a bit of weight and now he walks around bus stations looking at me for too long with a lot of rubber bands holding his ponytail wearing a shirt promoting the move ,,The Crow,, starring Brandon Lee that is too small for his boobs.

Old-fashioned-one-sentence-paragraph right there.

Pole - 2
An old woman that sat next to me with a peculiar neon blue bruise on her face asked me if I was hurting her leg. She said that ever since I sat down her leg had been hurting. I told her that it seemed like she was asking for it with her bad attitude and prodding questions. So what if I,m hurting your leg, bitch? You,re old and ugly and you,re sitting in a horrible bus station with a bunch of horrible people. You,d better expect somebody to cast a spell on you or infect you with something debilitating. She just told me to go to hell and walked to the other side of the room and told some fat slob sitting on the ground what had happened. He just sat with his big dumb mouth hanging open. He wasn,t interested.

I cooked instant mashed potatoes in the dirty microwave there and ate it out of a dirty pot with a dirty plastic spoon. At ten o'clock I walked over to the train station for a change of scenery. Upon exiting the bus depot I was overcome by some guy screaming into a cellular phone (which was probably just most of a deck of cards wrapped in electrical tape) ,,They dykes! They dykes! They goin, crazy! Dats why they trunin, homo. They dykes! The white man was right! He was right about dis!,, Of course, what he was saying is the truth. They are dykes and they are going crazy and turning homo. Thank God somebody finally had the guts to say it.

This Is About You

Last night I went to a dumb show that was too expensive and too far away. I learned that I will not be stupid enough to pay to watch some German idiot stand behind two computers and take the hi-hat in and out of a song for and hour an a half again. Shame on me. The place was filled with people that had bowl cuts. I guess that,s the new cool thing for lesbians. Some horrible trollop that looked like a homeless version of Prince kept slashing her ugly head around and whipping her three long turd braids all over the place. She smelled like a dead elk,s dick. The best part of the night was the excitement I kept feeling every time I would fall asleep driving home. It,s always fun to wake up in a lane you weren,t in a minute ago.

I was late for work today because I am a baby and didn,t get enough sleep. That means I,m going without a shower or change of socks or brushing my teeth with toothpaste right now. It,s going to be a great day. Now it,s raining outside and I don,t have and breakfast-style foods here so I,m going to have to eat Mexican pasta at nine in the morning.

Heavy Heavy Low Low - Hospital Bomber
I slept in a forest the other night. On the way there I stopped at a gross pizza restaurant called House of Pizza. I will give them credit for the name though. Such little thought and effort going into a business venture always makes me happy. I used the bathroom there, which took me eight minutes to figure out. The light switch was on the outside. Inside the bathroom there was a weird sign that still perplexes me. It said, ,,Country Fences Need To Be Horse High, Pig Tight And Bull Strong.,,

I understand the wisdom that the sign was conveying; it,s just a good bit of information for people that are looking to build a fence in the country. But I don,t understand why the proprietor of that awful pizza restaurant would want to present that information to customers when they are pretending to wash their hands after smearing diarrhea all over a small square of paper. Maybe that,s when people are most contemplative. I,m not. I,m just trying to get the brown and the blood out from under my fingernails.

Out Of Money

Guess what day it is.

The other night my joke band played a cool-goth-graveyard show. It was cool because I got to see a good band play. There was nothing cool about us or the abortion we made those bored kids watch. There were a ton of people there. All of them actively didn,t like us. People wouldn,t even take the free stuff we offered. It was a pretty standard night overall.

The good band was good though. All the bored kids were there to watch them play. I almost felt bad that they showed up so early and had no choice but to at least be near the building while we ,,played,,. I was surprised that there were not more gothers at the show. The cemetery was right across the street and it was so dark outside.

Tera Melos - Frozen Zoo 7 inch
I see nine eleven as just another Thanksgiving. But, I mean, I'm thankful that that happened, not like I,m thankful my dad loves me and buys me stuff. It is such a tiny fraction of what America deserves. I wish every building was smashed into by a plane that day. And I wish it would happen every year on the same day. I wish I was on that plane when it cut through that dumb tower. Actually, it would have been cooler to be in the building but not die when the plane hit. I would have run around and went nuts in there and beat up all of the prettiest girls that I worked with and just tossed them out the windows. Then, after I was winded from all of the tossing, I would have run as fast as I could and try to jump to another building; smashing through the windows and ruining that conference room.

That tower wasn,t even that cool. Have you ever even seen the Eiffel Tower or the pyramids or anything. Those should have been blown up too. As soon as I,m rich enough to afford a million planes I,m going to crash them into the pyramids so I can die like a true Egyptian prince.

Greg Ginn

I,ve got to start doing stuff. I have nothing to write about on here for nobody to read. The only thing that has ,,happened,, is that two gigantic pigs moved into the apartment above mine. They spend all day smashing around up there and it sounds like a monster truck show made out of meat. It,s horrible. It,s a brother/sister combo and as far as I can tell, they are both monstrous.

I,ve only seen the brother for a minute but he looked like the guy from one of the American Idols; the fat guy. I,m not going to look up his fat name. My roommate saw the sis and said he thought it was that movie Precious; the fat one. So they,re both fat and I heard one of them fart through the ceiling the other day. It was faint but it sure was a fart.

Squarepusher - Numbers Lucent
They also brought a huge black safe with them. But, it,s made out of lead or something and they couldn,t carry it up the stairs so it,s just sitting in the dead plants out front. It,s probably filled with their precious insulin which they use as a topping on pancakes. Just makin, fun of diabetes, that,s all.

I remember I was at this really cool summer bbq party a few years ago and I saw some dude shooting up and I was so excited because it was the first time I had ever seen that and he was just doing it outside on the sidewalk where we were all sitting. It was so great. But a few minutes later I heard him say something about insulin and I got really bummed out and I left. I figure, if people aren't going to possibly overdose in front of me on the sidewalk then it isn,t worth my time.