She Resembles You

Last night I went to a real punk show. It has been a very long time since I went to a punk show on purpose without having to play there myself. I now totally remember why I don,t do that anymore. The people there are awful. There is no demographic that makes me feel less comfortable than smelly, drunk, obnoxious kids wearing all black with spikes and weird jewelry.

I went to see one of the two good punk bands that currently exist and they were great. They were respectful. They played at a reasonable volume for a reasonable amount of time. They sounded good and they performed well. I couldn,t have asked for a better experience from them. The people watching them, however, were intolerably gross.

Nirvana - In Utero I know that,s to be expected at a punk show, but I thought maybe it would have calmed down a little bit since 1981. I was wrong. There were still goons throwing full beers at people, idiots jumping off of stuff onto my brain holder, and there was even an aging, bleached punk troll who spit on the singer of the good band on purpose. I had never been surrounded by more terrible cartoons in my entire life.

I got home at one thirty in the morning and immediately took a shower, but the memory of having somebody,s disgusting head of filthy hair repeatedly pushed up against my face will never leave me. I am absolutely not cut out for punk music or any kind of music really. As the late, wonderful Charles Ives once said, ,,I sort of hate all music.,,

It Happens Nightly

I went to the food stamp office yesterday. That wasn,t fun at all. I hadn,t been there in years. Luckily, this time was better than the last time I went there and didn,t get any free money, but it was still horrible. I guess I just don,t like being in any enclosed space where screaming children are the accepted norm. Nobody bothered to quiet their ugly kids because there was nobody setting a good example. The world needs more good examples.

I didn,t have to go to the food stamp office, I chose to. I have nobody to blame but myself. That,s what I get for being impatient and hungry. My stupid card still hadn,t come in the mail and I wasn,t about to buy food knowing that I could get it for free if I were to have that card, so I just went there and got it myself. I saw it as a form of atonement for all of the crazy free food I was about to get.

Being in that place is quite the experience. I never realized how many people have Oakland Raiders tattoos and how many of those people can,t stop shaking no matter how hard they may try. It was a giant, smelly, loud bummer. I also never realized how many poor people have iPhones. Maybe there is a social service program that provides homeless people with iPhones. I can totally get behind that. I love that idea.

Passion Pit - Manners After I got my card, I immediately drove to the store. I bought myself a bottle of water (something I almost never do because water should always be free) to make sure that my card worked. I felt such an intense surge of joy and refreshment as I drank my free, ice-cold beverage in the hot sun outside of the overcrowded supermarket.

As soon as I finished it, I went back in and filled a shopping cart to the absolute brim with the fanciest, most extraordinary items I could think of. I think I got five boxes of cereal. I got some fancy juice. I even got cookies so that I will have a sweet snack for any of my guests that happen to like that kind of trash. It was wonderful. I got so much stuff.

As I was laying my items on the filthy conveyor belt, I got sort of worried that I wouldn,t be able to pay for it all with food stamps. I had never bought food with such reckless abandon before. I was wrong. I paid for it easily and I even have a ton left over for the rest of the month. I,m glad I,m finally getting to spend some of the taxes that I have been paying for the past ten years of my life. I am going to drink juice until I throw up.

Getting To Know

I,m getting so good at naps. I have been practicing a ton lately. I,m getting to the point where I can wake up at the same time each day without even setting an alarm. I don,t know if that is they type of skill that one puts on their resume, but I,m going to do it. If I were an employer, I would appreciate that. If I were an employer, I would be in jail.

I went to a bar for the first time in years. The place wasn,t very cool. It was full of noisy, obnoxious people who were shouting into their phones at the significant others about how angry with them they were. People blew smoke directly into my face and lungs and an ugly man with blonde dreadlocks did yoga very close to me.

Oren Ambarchi - Stacte Karaoke Sitting next to my friends while they drank poisons and regaled me with stories about famous people doing completely insane amounts of drugs was fun, but being surrounded by so many goons was not. It was like going to a show, but it was a little bit better because it wasn,t so loud, but it was also a little bit worse because it wasn,t so loud that I couldn,t hear what the morons around me were saying.

The best part of the evening was when we went to a Mexican restaurant that I hadn,t been to in years. The chips were so hot that you had to blow on them and my burrito was embarrassingly large. It was pretty good, but the real pay off came the next morning when I was at work and had to hold my overwhelmingly dense farts in for four hours because the office that I sit in does not have any windows and I haven,t worked there long enough to feel like I am able to rip an incredibly gnarly fart without getting fired.

Luxuriant Softness

I went to a gigantic metal show the other night. That was strange. The show itself wasn,t that strange, but it was strange that I went to a metal show. I don,t even listen to metal. The place was completely full of weirdos and everything was too loud and one of the people I went with got a stomachache from eating burnt yet undercooked chicken at a convenience store. It was a weird mix of things.

The best part of the night was watching some fourteen year old rip a huge vape load and then blow the smoke directly into the back of the head of the stranger in front of him. That guy,s hair was steaming and smoking for several minutes afterward. I had never seen anything like it. It was like he was a cartoon that was really mad. There truly was steam coming off of his brain. He probably got contact high via osmosis.

Pregnant Women - The Bagel Town Diaries The other best part of the night was getting home so late and being so tired that I didn,t even brush my teeth before going to bed. I haven,t done that in a while. I felt like a kid again. It was nice. I liked knowing that my teeth were getting destroyed at a faster rate that night because I was lazy. It feels good to destroy your own body on purpose.

I had to work the next morning at seven, but it didn,t matter because my new job is so insane that I only have to work for about the first quarter of the time I,m there. I don,t make any money, but I guess that,s to be expected. I am going to die soon because I,m going to run out of money, I signed up for food stamps, but they,re going to have to send them to my grave.