For A Little While

I slept on my couch last night because it was grossly hot and the air conditioner is in my living room. This means that my bedroom was a sweltering stink oven and I tried lying down in there only to find myself in a puddle of my own fluids just minutes later. There was no way I was going to sleep in a puddle. My puddle sleeping days are long over. I,m a grownup. I don,t have to stand for that so I didn,t. I dragged my skeletal form from my sopping bed onto my filthy couch and basked in the quiet cool.

I don,t have a big home so the living room got pretty cold very quickly. I woke up in the middle of the night shivering. I loved it. That,s something I,d like to experience every night. I,m sure it,s not good for me. Going from broiling hot to bone-shakingly cold in a matter of an hour can,t be healthy, but I don,t care. It didn,t kill me and I swear I could almost see my breath this morning.

Portable Sunsets - Bless I cut my hair the other night and did a pretty bad job. The haircut is sort of alright, but I cut my hair with a four inch razor and I was rushing through the process because cutting your own hair is stupid and I gave myself a nice little slice on the thumb. That was the bad job. I feel like I haven,t cut myself in years. More specifically, I feel like I haven,t needed to use a bandage in years. I did this time, though.

My ugly thumb would,t stop bleeding so I slopped some weird goop on it and taped it up. Luckily, I don,t have any human bandages in my home so I had to use brightly colored children.s bandages that had pictures of dinosaurs on them and said things like ,,Silly,, and ,,Rock.,, I think the one with the dinosaurs made me stronger and the one that said ,,Rock,, made me cooler.

Two Small Problems

One of my fingers started twitching yesterday and it,s very annoying. Then, I woke up this morning and that finger was still twitching and the thumb on my other hand was as well. I don,t exactly what that means, but I think it means that I,m going to die. All things lead to death. There is no stopping it. Also, I have been sniffing all morning. These symptoms are strange and scattered all over my withered body. I am certainly going to die some day.

You,d think I,d be used to not having any money by now since I am always poor, but I,m not. I,m still shocked that as soon as I get my paychecks, I use them to buy flour and rice and beans and potatoes and pay my bills and then I only have eight dollars to last me for two weeks until I do it all over again. I guess that means that I am not only stupid, but also dumb. I never learn and that is another reason I am certainly going to die some day.

White Reaper - White Reaper Does It Again I bought a second pair of glasses so I will now be able to wear them while I am at home and maybe not go blind so quickly. Currently, my only pair of glasses is at work because I would definitely be blind by now if I didn,t wear them while staring at the overwhelmingly huge, bright, and intense screen that sits just inches in front of my sweating face. That,s what I spent my extra eight dollars on last week - glasses. If they don,t work, I am certainly going to die some day.

Getting To Know

I shaved for the first time in ten years today. I don,t mean to say I had a big Civil War beard or anything. I would trim my gross hair to the point where it was extremely short very regularly, but I haven,t touched a razor blade to my delicate skin since before it was legal for me to eat cigarettes. That was a long stretch and I immediately remembered why I didn,t shave the moment I started this morning. It was not fun at all.

For reasons that I do not completely understand, I have been considering doing things that I haven,t done in a really long time lately. First, I was considering using text messaging. I haven,t done that yet. That,s a scary one. I,ve also been considering getting a human sized bed. I also haven,t done that yet because I,m not a millionaire. I did succumb to the allure of having no hair on my face, though.

LA Priest - Inji I even went out and spent an incredible amount of money for somebody as poor as I am on one of those old silver razors that you have to put a single razor blade in because I heard that those are nicer and cheaper in the long run than whatever yellow razors that people buy at gas stations. The joke was on me, though. I dragged that overwhelmingly thin and sharp blade across my tender cheek almost twelve hours ago and my face still feels like I just scrubbed it with grip tape.

It may very well be that I had no idea what I was doing because I absolutely didn,t, but I don,t care. I was hoping that shaving would be easy now that I,m a real adult. It,s not easy. It,s stupid and painful and now my face smells like a locker room because for some reason, the people who make shaving cream think it,s a good idea to add some concentrated fragrance that stinks like an eighth grader. I regret everything I have ever done.

Filling Up

It,s been so slow at work recently. I love it and I hate it but I mostly love it. Yesterday, the phones stopped working for about six hours. That was really nice. It was really nice because that meant that nobody could call me and yell at me and people have been doing that more than normal recently. I,m thankful for faulty technology.

I don,t use text messages because I,m a maniac, but recently I,ve been playing with the idea of starting to use them. I am very stubborn and I have spent so many years being in recalcitrant opposition to texting. I don,t know what would happen if I started to do it. Everybody who knows me knows that I don,t send or receive texts.

Nicolas Jaar - Space Is Only Noise Realistically, nothing would happen if I started to use text messages. People still wouldn,t try to contact me and I would still avoid contacting others. I would have the ability, but I would not have the interest. Sure, I could send you a text message, but I wouldn,t because I don,t want to talk to you. Sure, you could send me one, but why would you? You have nothing to say to me. You don,t talk to me now, why would that change suddenly?

Unrealistically, my whole life would fall apart. My phone would be flooded with hundreds of bizarre, misspelled, cryptic phrases from numbers I didn,t recognize. People I have been actively avoiding for the past ten years would send me pictures of their ugly, bloated children. I would never stop looking at my telephone. I would quickly become addicted to the constant stream of useless words. I would die within six months.