You Are All Shouting

I went to a show at a house the other night. One of the bands that played was really bad. It was a bunch of sixteen year old guys but they weren,t sixteen because they were in college and they lived there. They played music that their uncles would like. I bet all of their uncles keep a few burned CDs with their music on it on hand to show people. That seems right. They all wore ties while they played.

I think I was accidentally racist that night. The drummer of uncle,s favorite band talked to me for a minute and told me that he lived in one town as well as another and I responded with, ,,You,re mixed.,, I meant that he was mixed spatially which doesn,t make that much sense looking at it in writing right now. Whatever. After I said that he sat silent for a moment and responded, ,,I,m black and white so yes, I am mixed.,, He looked worried and confused at what I had said. I,m sure I looked the same when he replied. The guy was a maniac if he thought that I would bring up his racial background within the first twenty words of speaking to him.

So Stressed - Attracted To Open Mouths
Number one, I don,t care what his ancestors are/were. All that I cared about was his stupid, shiny red tie and dumb stretched earlobes.

Number two, you should never tell somebody that you,re mixed race. It gives away your weaknesses. What if I had a poison that only hurt people who were ,,black and white,,? He didn,t think of that. He should have.

My Death Cab For Cutie cover band played later and we bummed almost everybody out. Let,s just say we,re not your uncle,s Death Cab For Cutie cover band. I think some people were already getting upset before we even played anything. As soon as the first noise came from a speaker while we were still setting up I heard somebody say, ,,Whoa,, in a sad, disappointed tone and leave. It was a good show.

Thicker Paper

Today is Valentine,s Day and I just pooped. That,s how I am celebrating this year. Maybe later tonight I will go to a Mexican restaurant and get more diarrhea fuel. I think it would be pretty cool if a Mexican restaurant was called Diarrhea Fuel. That would be really gutsy and to the point, you know? I like that in an eating establishment. They have nothing to hide.

The other night I went to a Chinese restaurant that was pretty cheap. At first I thought that it wasn,t that cheap because I saw that they had tables and chairs and decorations on the wall but that was before I went inside. The floor was really dirty. That let me know that it couldn,t be that expensive. There were bits of paper and old food all over the floor and nobody seemed to mind. That,s another cool thing more restaurants should do.

Arthur Russell - World Of Echo
You can tell a lot about a restaurant by how much garbage is piled on the floor. After seeing all of that trash I didn,t even need a menu. I knew what they served, how much it was, how bad it was going to be, and what kind of havoc it was going to wreak on my bowels. Paying attention the the amount and type of trash on the floor can really help you save time and money when you,re out to eat.

I wonder if there are any restaurants where they kill all of the animals right before you eat them. That would probably take a long time. I bet there is a lot of work involved with cutting a hog,s head off and scooping out the guts and babies and bones and washing everything and then cooking it. It would take way too long to get your food. I don,t think anybody would want to wait that long just to be able to hear a gross pig getting killed for their lunch. This was a bad idea. I won,t start a restaurant like that.

Plenty Of Free Food

My teeth feel like they,re made out of ice. They,re not cold though. It just feels like if I were to bite down hard enough, they would crush into tasty little ice pieces. My teeth aren,t cold though. In that way, they are not like ice at all. They are warm. I have very warm teeth. Please do not get confused and think that my teeth are cold. If I confused you and made you think that, I apologize.

I went to the dentist today and they stabbed me for an hour but before they did that, they stabbed me with a needle filled with gross juice that tasted bad. That,s why some of my teeth feel like ice. The juice made them that way.

Henry Flynt & The Insurrections - I Don,t Wanna
The woman that filled my body with juice and stabbed me for an hour was nice. I had a really difficult time understanding what she was saying. It may have been because she was wearing a surgical mask to try and help her not smell my breath or it may have been because she didn,t really speak English. Either way, I applaud her for answering my questions over and over until I was satisfied with the answer. She mostly said, ,,Yes,, to most of my questions when that answer wasn,t applicable. I liked that. She played by her own rules.

She also let me wear some cool glasses because the light that she shined on my gross face was so bright. I didn,t get to keep them though. I understand. They,re running a business, not a charity. She told me that my mouth would only be numb for two or three hours and that was four hours ago so I,m pretty sure this is permanent. That,s fine. I don,t use the right side of my face very much anyway. The left side is much better.

Vegetarian

I,m sure I have mentioned several times that I live below horrible, gigantic beasts of burden. They are awful creatures who are extremely loud and gross. They weigh a combined total for fourteen hundred pounds and just the act of them standing makes the building feel like it is about to collapse. I call the police on them sometimes.

They are too large and horrendous to use a shower properly. They didn,t have a door or curtain on their shower for several months and eventually the water that rained from their swollen, sausage bodies made its way through their floor and through our ceiling onto our floor. I called the landlord repeatedly until he agreed to have an industrial strength door put on their shower so they could no longer pour gallons of water directly onto the floor.

This worked for a few months but the ceiling is leaking again. I guess the awful monsters learned how to use tools like the dinosaur does in Jurasic Park and then the guy says, ,,Clever girl.,, I,m assuming that they removed the door so their body meats wouldn,t be so cramped. How big is an average bathtub? The internet says that the average bathtub is thirty by sixty inches. That means that they are more than five feet wide. That,s true.

Ernst Reijseger - Cave Of Forgotten Dreams
They,ll probably never fix that leak. The drywall on the ceiling will fall through and I will be left shivering, cold, covered in dead bats, and staring up an eight hundred pound woman,s creased parts. ,,Creased parts,, is a pretty delicate way to describe the genital region of a human pile.

I also haven,t been able to get my mail for the past few days. For several months, the mail key or mailbox has been sort of ruined and it,s been extremely difficult to get it open. Now, finally, it won,t work at all. I called the landlord today and he said that they would get me a new one but I don,t think that will happen. I asked them to take my last roommate off of the lease almost a year ago and they still haven,t sent me any paperwork for it. I hope I get something live delivered to me and it dies in the mailbox and then that will be on their conscience. I,ll mail them the dead eagle that somebody sends me once I finally get it out of there and they,ll have to eat it just like in the olden days.