Cypress Hill

But seriously, we went to this rad movie premiere last night. It was fun. There was a surprising amount of goofy rich girls there spending money and not laughing at the funny parts. The movie was good, it was called "Goose vs Pussy". It was about these three brothers in Alaska and they have to fight all these bad guys to get their money back. It had Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore, Patrick Swayze, and Scatman Crothers. Oh yeah and the bad guy was played by Tom Arnold. Here is a trailer for it.

There were these three or four rich Beasts of Burden there who were comletely lost. They kept identifiying with the wrong characters, "He,s a pig" kind of stuff. You know? They left way early in the film, the part where that guy jerks off for like 4 minutes straight and it,s just the sound of his breathing. Wussies. Busies.

Tera Melos - Drugs To The Dear Youth
So check out that movie if youre into it. Here. Don,t be crazy lazy ding dong.

Love,

Bernie Mack

First Day of Wintear

I just got done cleaning the bathroom. Not really the bathroom, just the toilet. That thing didn,t even look good enough for me to let things fall out of my body into it. Gross. I gave it a good swipe or two so don,t worry. It wont be gross like that again for another eight days or something.

I was reading my CPF,s (Close Personal Friend,s) blog today and it made me think about how great it is to take yourself so seriously and to use pretentious language to explicate thine most inner convictions and postulations. It would be really fun to act like you,re writing something really deep and meaningful in your journal but then put it some place where everybody can see it. But not only can everybody see it, you thrive on the comments they give you and you feel like you,ve helped explain the enigmatic, cornucopic being that thine is. Blogs are great.

Then I started thinking about how important and biting somebody must feel if they just make their own blog to criticize other people,s work. They would feel so smug and clever for saying their point of view to probably nobody when they,re really just dumb jerks. They would try to find the coolest, weirdest music they could to put on there to make it seem like they were ahead of the current trend when really they just got it off of some other Beast of Burden,s blog. I hate those kind of guys (I say guys because girls are usually kind of too dumb to make blogs) that think they,re so hot. They go around and take pictures at parties and dress all weird. Just a bunch of jerks if you ask me.

Owen Hart - Demo
I saw a blog that this lesbian (see, lesbians are more like guys so they can write blogs) put together of girls that she thought were hot and it had her poetry and writings and stuff. There was a write up on Cassie Steele, you know, the slutty one from Degrassi. It said that she had a band and I checked them out and they,re pretty good. They sound like a mix between Sublime and Ben Harper and the lyrics are pretty rad. I guess she also has a sigg nose ring. Sooo hot!

This will be the last article for the Bline Zogazine. We,re done. It has been fun but we realized that this is just making things worse. Like when you,re having sex with a girl and she starts bleeding but she says to keep going because she is pretty sure it,s just her period and you don,t really believe her so you pull out and go in for a closer inspection and you realized she just miscarried so you pop the little guy in your mouth and you have to swallow it or she,ll notice so you have it in your mouth and it,s gross because it,s the first time you ever had sex with her so you know it,s some other guy,s kid but at least she,s not freaking out and cutting herself anymore. It,s not helping anybody. We,re sorry if we hurt you. We,re going to go eat some bleach. Today is the two year anniversary of me being edge.

Love,

Dr. Cracked Peppercorn Bagel with Garden Vegetable Creamed Cheese

Getting My Own Place

School is hella over. Today was my last day. It,s been hella lame lately, bunch of finals and stuff. I,m only taking two classes this semester but I still had a hard time. I took Phys 181 - Shape Identification and Art 21 - Color Matching. I had to take both finals today and get up all early and stuff. Hella lamez! The first final was for my color class. We (and by we I mean myself and 6 other kids) had to look at a series of pictures of common objects, things like a car, a boot, two fishes, a man raping another man, coffee, and bong hit and write down what colors we thought they were. I,ve been taking color classes since middle school and I can tell you this test was the hardest. Instead of having just one or two colors for the test, each picture was a different color. It was hard. My shapes class wasn,t any easier. We had to not only identify four different shapes (squares, circles, that kind of stuff) but we had to draw our own. Free hand! It was even harder than colors.

Steve Reich - Music for 18 Musicians
When I was 7 years old we lived in Allen Park, Michigan. During the frosty season it would get hella cold. Me and my cousin Madison would skate on the frozen goose pond that was near our guy,s shack. Our guy was this little withered colored guy that cleaned our horse,s assholes. I fell in once. It was mid April and the ice was getting pretty thin. There was not a single Beast of Burden around so nobody could hear me screaming. I had to muster the strength to pull myself out. When I finally made it inside I was half dead. Luckily Uncle Doctor was there to revive me. He blew hot air from his mouth into my pee-pee. Uncle Doctor said that I had a pretty bad inner ear infection.

It wasn,t long before my motor skills started going. I couldn,t tie my shoes anymore and doing normal stuff was hella hard. I think thats why it has taken me so long to learn my shapes and stuff. Luckily I was able to get a job at a cool place selling snowboards to hella hot gurls. It allworked out in the end, you know.

From,

Senor Mal Tiempo Salsa Verde

Getting Married

A good Beast of Burden hung out for a few days. It was nice. She painted our faces and put us in oversized goat robes and took pictures of us. We sent them into a fine publication known as Menstruation Monthly. Hopefully we,ll hear back from them soon. I think it,ll be our big break, you know, into the industry (the meat industry).

It all went by pretty fast. One of the nights we had a feast of vegan lobster. It,s not that the lobster was made of pussy gluten or banana husks, it was raised vegan. It only ever drank soy milk and kombucha. Tis the season.

Charles Ives - Piano Sonata No. 2
I learned some things this weekend.

1) I really like that show that might be called human tetris.
2) I like it when huge crowds of people surround one guy and throw him in the air.
4) I hate movies with ships.
5) I like The Office but not as much as The Office. You know?
6) Look at this.

Yours Sincere,

Ice Queen Simpsons Teeth