A Lot Less Time

I,m pretty annoyed that you have to put www before blinezogazine.com or it won,t work. At least that,s how it is for me. I don,t think I have ever seen a website like that. I almost never type www for anything. I,m even more annoyed that I pay ten dollars a year to keep this stupid domain name. I think it,s almost that time of year when I have to pay ten dollars again. I don,t know. It doesn,t matter.

I still haven,t heard anything from my boss or double boss about the weird stuff I wrote the other week. I guess that,s a good thing. Maybe nobody has read it. Maybe somebody read it and just threw it out and didn,t bother to tell me. Both of those scenarios are fine with me. I would like to have that insane stuff that I wrote be seen by, and confuse, a bunch of morons, but if nobody sees it, that,s fine as well. The important thing is that I,m not fired yet.

Pissed Jeans - Sam Kinison Woman That,s important because I am getting poorer by the day. I can,t believe that ,,poorer,, is really a word. Thankfully, I did my taxes yesterday at work which means that I got paid to do it. That was nice. I don,t think I was allowed to do them yesterday because taxes aren,t invented until tomorrow, but I did it anyway. Hopefully I,ll still get some of my money back. That,s all that matters. If I don,t get it back because I tried to cheat the system and do it two days early, I am going to start robbing people. I hope the police aren,t reading this.

I need that money because I just spent a stupid amount on a stupid computer recently. That was stupid. It looks stupid. It looks like it,s made out of cool, tough metal. I can,t believe I bought it. I don,t even use it very much. It doesn,t do anything cool. It does all of the boring stuff that my last computer did, but it does it faster. Now I can do more boring stuff in less time. I guess that,s really what life is about - learning to run really fast so you can do more stuff that you don,t care about. Writing all of this stuff is making me realize that it,s not that much of a joke and now I,m sad.

Scraper

My work asked me to write a thing to go on a website. They wanted me to list and review some places that I like around town. They did a very similar thing few years ago and I wrote pretty wacky stuff and never heard anything more about it. I did that again, but this time it,s even sillier and I,m worried that I,m going to get in trouble. I think my boss had to send it to his boss so my double boss is going to see it and they might even read it. That,s what I,m worried about. It looks pretty good if you don,t read it, but if you do read it, it,s a disaster. Here,s a little taste.

Haggin Junction
Near the intersection of 20th Street and C Street

Haggin Junction is a wonderful little area. It is right behind the Blue Diamond Almond facility so head on over once you,ve had your fill of delicious nuts. It is a railroad intersection that is great for relaxing, looking at track ballast, waiting, examining indigenous plants and weeds, seeing people ride bicycles, and just enjoying the great outdoors. 

If you are lucky, you may be greeted by the smell of various flavoring agents that are used in the nearby almond facility. If you are even luckier, you may get to see a railway signal change colors.

Terakaft - Akh Issudar

Chillers Grub & Brew
(No listed, working telephone number)

 This place was very nice. It is not the type of restaurant that I would normally visit, but I was feeling weird one night and decided to give it a shot. All of the front of the house staff were very tall and, from what I could see, all of the kitchen crew were pretty short. I don,t know if they did this on purpose, but it was remarkable.

The food there was surprisingly eggy, but I am not saying that this is a bad thing. I didn,t order any eggs, but everything had a kind of eggy taste to it. I guess that is there style. The water was startlingly warm. I liked that. I am not a fan of cold water. I want to be able to drink my water without worrying about how cold it,s going to make me, you know?

It was very difficult to get the server,s attention, but once I finally did, they were more than happy to bring me the silverware and napkins that were not readily available when I first arrived. The French fries were a really good temperature and the televisions were all set to the same channel.

Hunk

That new Justin Timberlake song is pretty great. It,s the most exciting new thing I,ve heard in a while. I,m excited for Justin Timberlake,s record and the new Pissed Jeans album. Why can,t they tour together? I think there are probably a lot of people who would be into that tour. There would be a lot of fans of each of them that would benefit from being exposed to the other. That,s what I say.

There is such an awful collection of people who have been staying at my work recently. It,s gross. One of them was here for over a week. He yelled on the phone all the time and his head looked like a clowns,s and he made a really grotesque smiling face at strange intervals while he spoke. He was so loud. I don,t want to say that I want him to die, but I will say that if he died, everybody would be better off.

White Guilt - Demo II Another creature who is still here coughs constantly. It sounds like he has a soaking wet, dead baby bird in his throat that he can,t get out. He tries so hard, but that soft, partially-developed bird resting under his Adam,s apple doesn,t move anywhere. Actually, it probably twists and jumps a little when he coughs super hard and more of its slime makes its way to his mouth, but that bird is there for life. It,s horrible and I hate it. He also speaks like his cheeks are full of meatloaf. I don,t know how his voice sounds like that. Maybe it,s bird related. I don,t know. There is a lot of seasoned ground beef in his mouth, though.

Be Better

Huell Howser died the other day. That,s a bummer. I usually don,t care when a famous person dies because I never knew them and they didn,t have any kind of impact on my life, but Huell was such a crazy weirdo that it just kind of sucks that he won,t be around anymore to say wacky stuff to strangers on television. I liked California,s Gold. That was a cool, ridiculous show.

Him dying doesn,t make me sad. It,s just annoying that people die without my permission. I wasn,t sad when Michael Jackson or MCA died, but I like a lot of the music that they made. I didn,t care when Aaliyah died because I hadn,t ever listened to any of her stuff then. I like some of it now. Left Eye is dead. That makes sense, though. If any of the three of  TLC had to die, it would definitely be her. She was the good one and now she,s the dead one.

The Men - Leave Home My Death Cabe For Cutie cover band played a show last night in a freezing cold room. I spent much of the night in a warm apartment that belongs to a guy I went to high school with. It sounds annoying, but it wasn,t. We just yelled about boring stuff and tried to out nerd each other. We both lost that contest because we are both losers. I feel bad that he saw us play.

I have been eating nothing but beans, tofu, and eggs for the past three days and the odors coming out of my body clearly reflect that. A lot of horrible things exist in this world because of me, but I think my gaseous waste is among the most severely awful. Most of the time I embrace my ability to create such foul abominations, but when I am alone and there is nobody to gross out, it,s just sad and painful and suspiciously long-lingering. I need to see a doctor.