Three Bean Salad

Some terrible website wrote me an email and asked if my Death Cab For Cutie cover band wanted to be interviewed. I told him that we did. He sent me the interview questions and then I took a closer look at his website and realized that it was terrible so I wrote up insane answers to all of his questions and was going to send it back to him, but he was asking for pictures and videos and links and that is all way too much effort for something that I don,t care about so I decided to ignore him forever and just put the interview on here.

Sam Amidon - Home Alone Inside My Head

1. Can I get a backstory on the band/band biography?
We,ve all been living with each other for six or seven years now. We got a little farmhouse for really cheap. It,s near a river and it,s basically falling apart, but we love it there. We would spend all of our time together and when Boscar first got a guitar, it inspired C-Pipe and I to learn instruments too. One thing lead to another and now we all play music together. It all happened really quickly. We never took lessons or anything. I don,t know scales or anything like that. We just play what feels right to us and our music is the result. We,re all really happy with what we,ve done.

2. What lyrical theme do you guys use in your music? What message do you want to send?
A lot of our songs are about deep, personal experiences that we,ve shared. All three of us live together and spend pretty much all of our time together so it almost feels like we,re one person. We go through the same challenges and accomplish the same goals. We take turns writing songs, but it,s not like we even need to because we all basically live the same life. Our thoughts are all the same. We usually write our songs about heartbreak and hatred and emptiness and junk like that. I guess our message is that stuff is the worst.

3. How have the gigs you guys been doing been?
What a terribly phrased question. People seem confused a lot when we play because we don,t all wear black all the time.

4. What equipment do you guys use?
I play an Oat Brundle. It,s an instrument that I invented. It,s like a really tiny bass guitar, but it,s all digital. Boscar uses a Telecaster and a Fender solid state combo amplifier. C-Pipe uses a drum set that he mostly built himself out of wine barrels. His family makes wine so he gets the barrels for free. It,s awesome. They sound really good.

5. What bands have influenced your band and its sound?
Michael Jackson is a really big influence for me. I don,t think we sound like him, but he influenced me musically a lot. I think we are all collectively influenced by Black Flag and KoЯn and The Bloodhound Gang and other good music like that. Oh, and we all like Stone Temple Pilots a lot.

6. Do you remember your first show and what was it like?
I don,t remember it at all, but I wish I did. I guess drinking too much does that to a guy. Ha Ha Ha.

7. What made you guys decide to form a band?
Well, it wasn,t something that we ever really talked about or decided. It just seemed like the natural thing to do since we were all living together and had the same ideas about stuff. We all play music so we just started doing it together and we haven,t looked back since. It,s been great and I hope it never stops.

8. What is your opinion on sites posting your guys material and other bands material?
I wish every website in the world had ever piece of music ever recorded on there for free.

9. Are there any bands that you guys enjoyed playing with more than the others?
We got to play a huge outdoor picnic thing with Papa Roach a few years ago and that was really awesome. I think about that day all the time.

10. How do you guys feel about the classifications in metal; like deathcore, metalcore and other subgenres and how some have a negative connotation?
I don,t know too much about genres and classifications. All I know is that if it,s loud, then it,s good. Ha Ha Ha. But seriously. Ha Ha Ha.

11. What song do you enjoy playing the most?
Our favorite song to play right now is ,,Noodle Man.,, It,s not one that we have recorded, but it is so awesome. It,s like an evil dance party/marching song. It,s so awesome.

12. When not doing things with the band, what can you guys be seen doing?
Just living together, mostly. None of us have jobs or go to school so we spend a lot of time watching movies together or fishing and we try to always be home to make a big meal together every night. That,s always fun.

13.Your biggest band moment?
Probably the Papa Roach picnic.

14. What is your opinion on the current state of metal?
I love it. I love metal more than anything in the world.

15. How did you guys come up with your band name?
I don,t remember. I think we stole it from some other band that,s not around anymore.

16. What can the fans expect to see from you in the future?
We,re recording an album right now called Turkey Legs that should be out in the next six months or so. We,re not sure who is going to put it out, but it,s going to be rockin,.

Getting Caught

I really, really need to stop buying cereal that has raisins in it. I don,t even like raisins. I just buy it because it,s usually one of the cheaper ones and it weighs a lot. That,s how I play the game. I look at the prices and I look at the weights. Most people just compare prices. They,re amateurs. They,re stupid amateurs. I,m not a kid. I know how important weight is in the cereal game.

The real reason I need to stop buying that kind of cereal is because it makes my farts way too foul. I can,t take it and I know that nobody around me can either. It,s inconsiderate of me. I don,t want to be an inconsiderate person. I like caring for/about my friends. I don,t want to put them through that sort of torture all the time. I only want to do it sometimes. I don,t want my overwhelmingly bad farts to lose their novelty and just be a never-ending barrage of pure odium. Farts should be lighthearted.

William Basinski - A Red Score In Tile Luckily, I went to the store today and saw that they had my favorite cereal on sale. Its, usually really expensive and it still kind of was, but it being less than four dollars is good enough for me. It doesn,t have raisins in it. It barely has flavor. That,s why I like it. It,s plain and bland, just like me. If I were a cereal, I would be a much cheaper, knockoff version of that cereal. If they made shallot cereal, I would eat it every day.

The Long Coat

I,m pretending to be a real man and I,m letting my face hair grow. I don,t know how long it will last. It probably won,t be that long. That,s why I say ,,pretending,, to be a man. I can,t even handle a couple of soft, delicate hairs touching my cheeks. I can,t handle waking up from a black, dreamless sleep with my beard filled with drool as if it were a terrible, coarse sponge.

I,m glad that I can grow a beard, though. A lot of people can,t. Most people in the world can,t. The only thing that is weird and wimpy about my beard is that hair doesn,t really grow in the area right under my bottom lip. I don,t get it. I,m thankful that it,s not a patchy, Johnny Depp beard, but that little area should fill in with the rest of my face. It grows plenty high, but it refuses to grow low.

Dreamdecay - N V N V N V LP I keep looking at myself in the mirror and thinking, ,,I still can,t grow hair under my bottom lip. Maybe it,ll start coming in during the next year or so.,, Then I remember that I am already a grown up and I am not going to gain anymore hair unless it,s on my back. I,m only losing hair from now on. That,s a bummer. Writing this is making me deal with my own mortality.

Good Luck

A new person moved in above me. I haven,t met them yet, but so far I,m kind of happy with them. They make too much noise for me, but everybody makes too much noise for me. They are a whole lot quieter than the last people, though. They don,t yell across the apartment at each other. In fact, they are only one person so doing that is impossible. They also don,t have a little diarrhea machine running all over the place for hours at a time. That,s another nice touch. Not recreating is considerate.

I had to interact with a different neighbor today. They asked for my laundry key. Apparently, they started doing their laundry and then somebody came and locked the door with all of their clothes in there. At least that,s the story they told me. They could have been laundry thieves for all I know. I didn,t go out there and check. Thankfully, he wasn,t a key thief. He gave it back to me.

Prefab Sprout - Steve McQueen I sort of had to interact with a different neighbor today, too. I think it was a neighbor. I was in my living room with two of my friends and I smelled a terrible, earthy stink. I figured it was one of them ripping a quiet disaster out of their bowels, but when I asked them about it, they both told me that their holes were clean. I think they would have told me if it had been them. They knew that I just wanted to congratulate them. The only explanation I could come up with was that one of my neighbors created that foul odor and it seeped down or to the side and got into my home.

I think that counts as interaction. I had to breathe in and smell something that their body created as waste. That,s really intimate if you think about it. Smelling somebody,s fart is basically the same thing as seeing somebody naked.